A couple are debating whether computers are male or female.
"Definitely female," said the husband. "You spend half of your salary on accessories for them and even the smallest mistakes are stored in their long-term memory for use at a later date."
"Nope," said his wife. "They're male. To get their attention you have to turn them on and as soon as you commit to one, you realize you could have got a better model if you'd waited longer."
“Daddy,” says a boy to his father, “you lost your credit card months ago and you still haven’t reported it.”
“That’s because I’ve realized that the thief spends less than your mother.”
I’ve concluded that the military has more rules than bullets. What convinced me? A simple memo.
“To whom it may concern,” it began innocently enough. “This memo was misdirected to my department and I am forwarding it on to you. I have erased my initials and initialled my erasure.”
The flight home from a recent business trip was pretty empty. So the pilot made a simple request of the passengers.
“We have a little extra room tonight, folks,” he said over the PA system. “So if you wouldn’t mind, please take a window seat so the competition thinks the plane is full.”
Maternity patients at the small hospital where I work have to travel 80 kilometres to another hospital to deliver. They often check with us to verify that they are in labour before making the trip. Early one morning a woman walked in and we confirmed that labour had begun. The nurse in charge called the husband.
“Your wife is in labour,” she said. “You'll have to leave for hospital as soon as possible.”
“Okay,” he replied groggily. “I’d better wake her up and tell her.”
Three active boys and their mother were playing cops and robbers in the park. One boy yelled “Bang! You’re dead!” as he “shot” his mother. She slumped to the ground and a passer-by was worried when she didn't get up.
Fearing she may have hurt herself in the fall, he hurried over and asked, “Are you OK? The mother opened one eye and whispered, “Don't give me away. This is the only rest I’ve had all day.”
My daughter came home from kindergarten saying she needed to bring a T-shirt to school. Her teacher was going to iron an antidrug message onto it. Unable to find a blank one, my wife sent her off with a shirt that already had something lettered across the front.
That afternoon, my daughter showed off her new T-shirt. On one side it read, “Families Are Forever.” And on the other side, “Be Smart, Don’t Start.”
Ted, my neighbour, and I lost our longtime spouses within a year of each other, so we naturally gravitated towards each other. Eventually, to the delight of our friends and relatives, romance blossomed and we decided to marry.
There were, however, quite a few giggles from the congregation when our selected passage from the Bible, was read: “Thou shalt love thy neighbour...”
"Definitely female," said the husband. "You spend half of your salary on accessories for them and even the smallest mistakes are stored in their long-term memory for use at a later date."
"Nope," said his wife. "They're male. To get their attention you have to turn them on and as soon as you commit to one, you realize you could have got a better model if you'd waited longer."
--------------------------------
“Daddy,” says a boy to his father, “you lost your credit card months ago and you still haven’t reported it.”
“That’s because I’ve realized that the thief spends less than your mother.”
--------------------------------
I’ve concluded that the military has more rules than bullets. What convinced me? A simple memo.
“To whom it may concern,” it began innocently enough. “This memo was misdirected to my department and I am forwarding it on to you. I have erased my initials and initialled my erasure.”
--------------------------------
The flight home from a recent business trip was pretty empty. So the pilot made a simple request of the passengers.
“We have a little extra room tonight, folks,” he said over the PA system. “So if you wouldn’t mind, please take a window seat so the competition thinks the plane is full.”
--------------------------------
Maternity patients at the small hospital where I work have to travel 80 kilometres to another hospital to deliver. They often check with us to verify that they are in labour before making the trip. Early one morning a woman walked in and we confirmed that labour had begun. The nurse in charge called the husband.
“Your wife is in labour,” she said. “You'll have to leave for hospital as soon as possible.”
“Okay,” he replied groggily. “I’d better wake her up and tell her.”
----------------------------------
Three active boys and their mother were playing cops and robbers in the park. One boy yelled “Bang! You’re dead!” as he “shot” his mother. She slumped to the ground and a passer-by was worried when she didn't get up.
Fearing she may have hurt herself in the fall, he hurried over and asked, “Are you OK? The mother opened one eye and whispered, “Don't give me away. This is the only rest I’ve had all day.”
---------------------------------
My daughter came home from kindergarten saying she needed to bring a T-shirt to school. Her teacher was going to iron an antidrug message onto it. Unable to find a blank one, my wife sent her off with a shirt that already had something lettered across the front.
That afternoon, my daughter showed off her new T-shirt. On one side it read, “Families Are Forever.” And on the other side, “Be Smart, Don’t Start.”
--------------------------------
Ted, my neighbour, and I lost our longtime spouses within a year of each other, so we naturally gravitated towards each other. Eventually, to the delight of our friends and relatives, romance blossomed and we decided to marry.
There were, however, quite a few giggles from the congregation when our selected passage from the Bible, was read: “Thou shalt love thy neighbour...”
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