Good ones...

High steaks...

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.

He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
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Irish plane crash...

Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night
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Pessimists...

Q: How many pessimists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's probably screwed in too tight anyway.
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Social workers...

Q: How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, but it takes 15 to write a paper entitled "coping with darkness"
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Bad food for couples...

Scientists have discovered that a certain food is now proven to stop women from performing oral sex

Its called "Wedding Cake"
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Play stations and women’s breasts...

What is the similarity between Play stations and women’s breasts?
Both are made for children, but used by adults
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Good driving...

"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."

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