Let Yourself Be Carried

. . . The Flow Of The Universe . . .

The flow of the universe moves through everything. It's in the rocks that form, get pounded into dust, and are blown away. It is the blossoming of a flower born from a seed planted in the spring. The growth cycle that every human being goes through is part of this natural flow. The current that takes us down life's paths is this flow. When we move with it, rather than resisting, we are riding on the universal current that allows us to flow with life.

Many people live their lives struggling against this current. They try to use force or resistance to will their lives into happening the way they think it should. Others move with this flow like a sailor using the wind, trusting that the universe is taking them exactly where they need to be at all times. This flow is accessible to everyone because it moves through and around us. We are always riding this flow. It's just a matter of whether we are willing to go with it or resist it. Choosing to go with the flow is often a matter of letting go of the notion that we need to be in control at all times. The flow is always taking you where you need to go. It's just a matter of deciding whether you plan on taking the ride or having it take you there with you dragging your feet.

Learning to step into the flow can help you feel a connection to a force that is greater than you and is always there to support you. The decision to go with the flow can take courage because you are surrendering the notion that you need to do everything by yourself. Riding the flow of the universe can be effortless, exhilarating, and not like anything you ever expected. When you are open to being in this flow, you open yourself to possibilities that exist beyond the grasp of your control. As a child, you were naturally swept by the flow. Tears of sadness falling down your face could just as quickly turn to tears of laughter. Just the tiniest wave carrying you forward off the shores of the ocean could carry you into peals of delight. Our souls feel good when we go with the flow of the universe. All we have to do is make the choice to ride its currents.

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http://www.dailyom.com

Management Jargon . . .

Thanks Mercy, for sending me this lovely stuff...
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MANAGEMENT SPEAK: We have to put on our marketing hats.
TRANSLATION: We have to put ethics aside.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: That's very interesting.
TRANSLATION: I disagree.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I don't disagree.
TRANSLATION: I disagree.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I don't totally disagree with you.
TRANSLATION: You may be right, but I don't care.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: You have to show some flexibility.
TRANSLATION: You have to do it whether you want to or not.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: We have an opportunity.
TRANSLATION: You have a problem.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: You obviously put a lot of work into this.
TRANSLATION: This is awful.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: In a perfect world.
TRANSLATION: Just get it working and get it out the door.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Help me to understand.
TRANSLATION: I don't know what you're talking about, and I don't think you do either.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: You just don't understand our business.
TRANSLATION: We don't understand our business.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: You need to see the big picture.
TRANSLATION: My boss thinks it's a good idea.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: My mind is made up. I am adamant on the subject. There is no room for discussion. But if you do want to discuss itfurther, my door is always open.
TRANSLATION: &%^$ you.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I appreciate your contribution.
TRANSLATION: @#%* you . . . !

Why men are happier...

Men Are Just Happier People. What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier

Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it.

The 10 Best Caddy Replies. . .

#10. Golfer "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy "Think you can keep your head down that long?"

# 9. Golfer "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."

# 8 Golfer "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."

# 7 Golfer "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy "Eventually."

# 6 Golfer "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."

# 5 Golfer "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction.
Caddy "It's not a watch - it's a compass."

# 4 Golfer "How do you like my game?"
Caddy "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."

# 3 Golfer "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?"
Caddy "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day."

# 2 Golfer "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
Caddy "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."

# 1 Golfer "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
Caddy"It's been a long time since we teed off sir".

Italian girli...

A young Italian girl was going on a date. Her nonna said: Sita here ana letame tella you about those-a young boys. He's agonna try ana kiss you, you are agonna likea dat, but don'ta let him do that.

He's agonna try ana kiss your breasts, you are agonna likea dat too, but don'ta let him do that.

But most important, he's agonna try ana lay on topa you, you are agonna likea dat, but don'ta let him do that. Doing thata willa disgrace the family.

With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date. The next day she told grandma that her date went just like she had predicted:

"Nonna, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he tried, I just turned over, got on top of him, and disgraced HIS family!"

Nonna fainted!!

LOVE or LUST or MARRIAGE....

How do you know if you're in love, lust, or marriage?

LOVE - when your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST - when your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE - when your belt won't meet around your waist, and you don't care.

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LOVE - when intercourse is called making love.
LUST - all other times.
MARRIAGE - what's intercourse?

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LOVE - when you argue over how many children to have.
LUST - when you argue over who gets the wet spot.
MARRIAGE - when you argue over money.

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LOVE - when you share everything you own.
LUST - when you think twice about giving your partner bus money.
MARRIAGE - when the bank owns everything.

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LOVE - when it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
LUST - when the relationship is over if you don't climax.
MARRIAGE - what's a climax?

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LOVE - when you phone each other just to say "Gidday".
LUST - when you phone each other just to organize sex.
MARRIAGE - when you phone each other to find out what time your son's game starts.

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LOVE - when you write poems about your partner.
LUST - when all you write is your phone number.
MARRIAGE - when all you write is cheques.

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LOVE - when you show concern for your partners' feelings.
LUST - when you couldn't give a shit.
MARRIAGE - when your only concern is what's on TV.

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LOVE - when your farewell is "I love you darling ...".
LUST - when your farewell is "So, same time next week?".
MARRIAGE - when your farewell is silent.

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LOVE - when you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.
LUST - when you only ever see each other in the bedroom.
MARRIAGE - when you never see each other awake.

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LOVE - when your heart flutters every time you see them.
LUST - when your groin twitches every time you see them.
MARRIAGE - when your wallet empties every time you see them.

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LOVE - when nobody else matters.
LUST - when nobody else knows.
MARRIAGE - when everybody else matters and you don't care who knows.

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LOVE - when all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
LUST - when it's just the same mushy old shit.
MARRIAGE - when you never listen to music.

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LOVE - when breaking up is something you try not to think about.
LUST - when staying together is something you try not to think about.
MARRIAGE - when just getting through today is your only thought.

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LOVE - when you're interested in everything your partner does.
LUST - when you're only interested in one thing.
MARRIAGE - when you're not interested in what your partner does and the one thing you're interested in is your golf score.

Marriage...

Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

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Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's.

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CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, "You see, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; 'cause it's sooooooooooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own . . . so does she"

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in most countries, son.

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."

Married Buddies

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the Other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's butt and say, 'How about a blow job?' .... and she's always sound asleep.

Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

Nude Sunbathing

Down in Florida, there's a little hotel, four floors high. A girl used to take a sunbathe there every day. Since there were no higher hotels near it, she would take off her bathing suit and be in the nude. So she was in the nude and she was lying on her stomach, and she heard someone coming up the steps. She quickly grabbed the towel and put it around her. The man said, "I wish you wouldn't sunbathe in the nude up here." She said, "You never protested before." He said, "No, but I wish you would do it like you did before, in your bathing suit." She said, "Why do you care? No one can see." He said, "Madam, you happen to be lying on the skylight of a dining room."

Parents and son on a Nude Beach

Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water. The son comes running up to his mom and says, "Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!" The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later, he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!"

The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are." Once again the son goes back to play. A short time later, he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw, and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!"

Nudist One Liners

A naked man fears no pickpocket.
Bare butts are cool.
A nudist never has to hold out his hand to see if it is raining.
A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.
A Buddhist nudist practices yoga bare.
A harp is a nude piano.
Nudist Resort sign - Sorry, Clothed for Winter.
Always swim nude. Sharks hate to peel their food.
Nudists are people who wear one-button suits.
Never cook bacon when you're naked.
Senior Citizen Nude Beach ahead. Watch for Golden Oldies

Stupid People run Rampant...

Know your Victim II

Police in Bari, Italy, arrested a man suspected of snatching handbags to finance his drug addiction after he sped past one woman on his motorcycle and snatched her purse. The woman was his mother, who recognized him and reported him, said a police spokesperson, adding, "We were rather surprised by the whole episode, I must admit."

Know your Victim

A bicyclist who confronted three well-dressed men walking to their hotel in Alexandria, Virginia, pointed what looked like a 9mm semi-automatic handgun at them and demanded money. The three men turned out to be off-duty federal agents, who drew their own weapons and fired more than 20 shots, hitting the would-be robber, as well as three cars, a truck, two homes and an office building. The injured suspect's weapon turned out to be a pellet gun.

Know your Victim II

Police in Bari, Italy, arrested a man suspected of snatching handbags to finance his drug addiction after he sped past one woman on his motorcycle and snatched her purse. The woman was his mother, who recognized him and reported him, said a police spokesperson, adding, "We were rather surprised by the whole episode, I must admit."

Hoodlums

In February, two boys, ages 15 and 14, were released from court in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, after a hearing before Judge Larry Seidlin for stealing a car, which according to police, was the 25th car theft committed by the boys in two years. According to police, the boys walked out of the courthouse, realized they had no bus fare home, and promptly swiped number 26, which they crashed into a fence 45 minutes later.

Bungled Robbery

Police in Virginia Beach, Virginia charged Charles Robertson, 19, with robbing a bank when he bungled his way into their hands. After handing the teller a holdup note, Robertson started to flee but stopped when he realized that he had forgot his note. He dashed back and grabbed the note, but this time he left the keys to his getaway car -- a fact he didn't discover until he reached the vehicle. he managed to elude police, but when he got home he told his roommate, whose car he had borrowed, that it had been stolen. She reported the car missing, and about 20 minutes later Officer Mike Koch spotted it a block from the bank. Playing a hunch, Koch got the keys the robbery suspect had left behind. When they fit the car that had been reported stolen, detectives went to the address the owner had given and found Robertson.

Fart Head

[Unknown, 25 March] A terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas. There was no mark on his body but autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have been fatal. But the man was shut up in his near airtight bedroom. He was ". . . a big man with a huge capacity for creating [this deadly gas]." Three of the rescuers got sick and one was hospitalized.

Answer That Phone

[Hickory Daily Record ] Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, N.C. upon awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson .38 Special, which discharged when he drew it up to his ear.

Have It Your Way

The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 7:50 am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

more jokes, visit : http://www.bitoffun.com

Simple jokes...

A couple are debating whether computers are male or female.

"Definitely female," said the husband. "You spend half of your salary on accessories for them and even the smallest mistakes are stored in their long-term memory for use at a later date."

"Nope," said his wife. "They're male. To get their attention you have to turn them on and as soon as you commit to one, you realize you could have got a better model if you'd waited longer."

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“Daddy,” says a boy to his father, “you lost your credit card months ago and you still haven’t reported it.”

“That’s because I’ve realized that the thief spends less than your mother.”

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I’ve concluded that the military has more rules than bullets. What convinced me? A simple memo.

“To whom it may concern,” it began innocently enough. “This memo was misdirected to my department and I am forwarding it on to you. I have erased my initials and initialled my erasure.”

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The flight home from a recent business trip was pretty empty. So the pilot made a simple request of the passengers.

“We have a little extra room tonight, folks,” he said over the PA system. “So if you wouldn’t mind, please take a window seat so the competition thinks the plane is full.”

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Maternity patients at the small hospital where I work have to travel 80 kilometres to another hospital to deliver. They often check with us to verify that they are in labour before making the trip. Early one morning a woman walked in and we confirmed that labour had begun. The nurse in charge called the husband.

“Your wife is in labour,” she said. “You'll have to leave for hospital as soon as possible.”

“Okay,” he replied groggily. “I’d better wake her up and tell her.”

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Three active boys and their mother were playing cops and robbers in the park. One boy yelled “Bang! You’re dead!” as he “shot” his mother. She slumped to the ground and a passer-by was worried when she didn't get up.

Fearing she may have hurt herself in the fall, he hurried over and asked, “Are you OK? The mother opened one eye and whispered, “Don't give me away. This is the only rest I’ve had all day.”

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My daughter came home from kindergarten saying she needed to bring a T-shirt to school. Her teacher was going to iron an antidrug message onto it. Unable to find a blank one, my wife sent her off with a shirt that already had something lettered across the front.

That afternoon, my daughter showed off her new T-shirt. On one side it read, “Families Are Forever.” And on the other side, “Be Smart, Don’t Start.”

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Ted, my neighbour, and I lost our longtime spouses within a year of each other, so we naturally gravitated towards each other. Eventually, to the delight of our friends and relatives, romance blossomed and we decided to marry.

There were, however, quite a few giggles from the congregation when our selected passage from the Bible, was read: “Thou shalt love thy neighbour...”

Joke of the day:

Two Irish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people in this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."

Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart. "Two dogs, please," says one. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter.

Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs." The mother superior is first to open hers. She begins to blush and then, staring at it for a moment, leans over to the other nun and whispers cautiously: "What part did you get?

1 liners...

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-- Woody Allen

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.
-- Erica Jong

Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive.
-- Elbert Hubbard

"Always" and "never" are two words you should always remember never to use.
-- Wndell Johnson

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.
-- Joey Adams

learn to respect...

A well known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?" Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this." He proceeded to crumple the dollar bill up. He then asked, "Who still wants it?" Still the hands were up in the air. "Well," he replied, "What if I do this?" And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now all crumpled and dirty. "Now who still wants it?" Still the hands went into
the air.

"My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson.

No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless.

But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. You are special - Don't ever forget it!

( I remember a friend once telling me - everyone should learn to respect....respect self...in other words - self-respect. if you lose it, you lose all...)

freaming the right question....

Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.

Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"

So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I smoke while I pray?"

But the Priest says, "No, my son, you may not. That's utter disrespect to our religion."

Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.

Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."

And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I pray while I smoke?"

To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means."

Moral : The reply you get depends on the question you ask..
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I got this mail from my uncle, and he circulates regularly "Thots for the day"

from the bible...

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
so are the children of one's youth.

Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them;
they shall not be ashamed,
But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.

Psalm 127:3-5 NKJV
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Children's children are the crown of old men;
and the glory of children are their fathers.

Proverbs 17:6 KJV
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He gives the barren woman a home,
so that she becomes a happy mother.

Psalm 113:9 NLT
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Food for Thought...

"LOVE YOUR JOB, BUT NEVER FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR COMPANY BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN THE COMPANY STOPS LOVING YOU" -- Narayana Murthy

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Narayana Murthy is undoubtedly one of the most famous persons from Karnataka. He is known not just for building the biggest IT empire in India but also for his simplicity. Almost every important dignitary visits Infosys campus. He is incidentally, one of the top 50 Influential people of Asia according to an Asiaweek publication and also the new IT Advisor to the Thailand Prime Minister.

Avoiding Negative Vibrations...

Avoiding Negative Vibrations
Taking On The Energy Of Others

There are times when you may find that being around certain individuals or groups of people leaves you with feelings of discomfort. It may be that spending time with a particular friend feels draining or that dealing with a specific coworker exhausts you. Being around toxic or angry people is also draining. And you may even find that being surrounded by a crowd of people lowers your energy levels rather than perks you up. This is not that unusual. Each of us radiates energy and is capable of being influenced by the energy of other people. It is important to learn how to shield yourself, so you don't unknowingly take on someone else's energy. While some people know how to instinctively protect themselves from being adversely affected by energy, most of us need to discover and practice the technique that works best.

There are a number of ways to avoid being affected by people's energy. Shielding is one preventative technique you can use. Center yourself and envision being enveloped in a cocoon of loving and protective light. This protective layer should allow you to consciously regulate the energy around you. The intent to shield one self is all you need for this technique to work. You can even create a trigger word to assist you in quickly creating a shield. Say this word each time you create a new shield, until the word and the shield become automatically associated in your mind. If you run into a person whose energy you find draining, you may want to cleanse your own energy field after your encounter. Sage, cold showers, singing, mineral water baths, spending time in nature, and a simple break to recharge are all ways to accomplish this.

While it is important to know how to shield yourself from energy, there are those energies that you may not want to shut out. The energy of laughter from a newborn baby, the feeling of joy radiating from someone in love, and the frequency of calm emanating from an enlightened teacher are just some of the energies coming from others that you may want to have around you.

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Source: http://www.dailyom.com

Humor - thot for the day...

ThOuGhT's FoR tHe DaY...

I got these from a friend of mine and I really enjoyed reading them. . .

"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved." - Helen Keller

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"Speak properly, and in as few words as you can, but always plainly; for the end of speech is not ostentation, but to be understood." - William Penn

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"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world." - Anne Frank

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"A stiff apology is a second insult.... The injured party does not want to be compensated because he has been wronged; he wants to be healed because he has been hurt." - G.K. Chesterton

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"Readers may be divided into four classes: 1. Sponges, who absorb all that they read and return it in nearly the same state, only a little dirtied. 2. Sand-glasses, who retain nothing and are content to get through a book for the sake of getting through the time. 3. Strain-bags, who retain merely the dregs of what they read. 4. Mogul diamonds, equally rare and valuable, who profit by what they read, and enable others to profit by it also." - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

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"Men are afraid to rock the boat in which they hope to drift safely through life�s currents, when, actually, the boat is stuck on a sandbar. They would be better off to rock the boat and try to shake it loose, or, better still, jump in the water and swim for the shore." - Thomas Szasz

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"A child-like man is not a man whose development has been arrested; on the contrary, he is a man who has given himself a chance of continuing to develop long after most adults have muffled themselves in the cocoon of middle-aged habit and convention." - Aldous Huxley

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"Education is the power to think clearly, the power to act well in the world's work, and the power to appreciate life." - Brigham Young

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"Happiness is an imaginary condition, formerly often attributed by the living to the dead, now usually attributed by adults to children, and by children to adults." - Thomas Szasz

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"The best way to predict the future is to invent it." - Alan Kay

Reality strikes...

An Arab needed heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the Doctors needed to store his blood in case need arise. Because the gentleman had rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally. So the call went out to a number of countries.

Finally a Gujarati Mr. Rameshbhai was located who had similar type of blood. The Gujarati willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati as appreciation for giving his blood, a new Rolls, diamonds, lapizlazuli jewellery, and a million US dollars.

Once again the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Gujarati who was more than happy to donate his blood again.

After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati a thank you card and a packet of Almond halwa sweets. Mr. Ramesh was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not reciprocate the Gujarati's kind gesture as he had anticipated.

He phoned the Arab and asked him why he had expressed his appreciation in not so generous manner. The Arab replied " Wallah Rameshbhai - now I have gujarati blood in my veins!

Working in the hotel and tourism industry...

Working in the hotel and tourism industry is like...

1. We work in weird shifts.... Like prostitutes

2. They pay you to make the client happy.... Like a prostitute

3. The client pays a lot of money, but your employer keeps almost every penny.... Like a prostitute

4. You are rewarded for fulfilling the client's dreams....Like a prostitute

5. Your friends fall apart and you end up hanging out with people in the same profession as you....like a prostitute

6. When you have to meet the client you always have to be perfectly groomed.... like a prostitute

7. But when you go back home it seems like you are coming back from hell....like a prostitute

8. The client always wants to pay less but expects incredible things from you.... like a prostitute

9. When people ask you about your job, you have difficulties to explain it....like a prostitutes

10. Everyday when you wake up, you say: I'M NOT GONNA SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE DOING THIS....like a prostitute

REMARKS...

The only difference is that the prostitutes can take xmas and new years eve off and they actually do make a lot of Money!!!

If you know someone in the hospitality industry send this email so they dont feel bad anymore.... like a prostitute!

Thot for the day ...

Very little is needed to make a happy life. It is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.

Marcus Aurelius

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http://www.interluderetreat.com/thought.htm

Thots

November 24, 2005
Savoring Ceremony Tea Rituals

Coffee may be the power beverage that gets us revved up in the morning and fuels us when we're burning the midnight oil, but tea is the drink we turn to when we want to relax and be refreshed at the same time. Black, green, white, herbal, hot, or ice cold, tea is more than a soothing beverage. It can be a ritual, a cultural experience, and even a spiritual practice.

The reverence for tea has inspired ceremony in many cultures. From the spirituality of Chanoyu, the Japanese way of preparing and serving tea, to the sharing of Maté in Latin America, tea rituals are for celebration, ceremony, and relationship bonding. In China, tea rituals are part of many wedding ceremonies with the bride and groom serving their elder relatives in a show of respect and gratitude. The Chinese art of drinking and serving tea has been a source of inspiration for poetry and song. The Russian custom of chaepitie has inspired a unique style of teapots, caddies, teacups, and cozies. The samovar, a special brewing device, has become the symbol of the Russian tea ceremony and an object of art in its own right. Iced tea, popular in the U.S., as well as other parts of the world, is a modern ritual bringing cool relief on a sweltering summer day.

You can turn your own tea time with a friend into a simple ceremony by preparing your tea with the intention of offering nourishment and good wishes to the other person. When you are seated together, rather than drinking your tea right away, look at one another and express your gratitude and appreciation for your friendship. When you pour the tea, again intend it as an offering. Drink your tea slowly, savoring its flavor and aroma. Let its warmth or its coolness soothe your body. When you are finished drinking your tea, thank your friend for taking part in this nourishing ritual with you. Whether savored in the presence of another or tasted alone, the custom of drinking tea provides a soothing pause in our hectic world. Drinking tea can be a daily ritual that brings inner calm and clarity to the body, mind, and soul.

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http://www.dailyom.com

Laughter...

A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married, Guess what they named them...
Jo Hua, So Hua.

---

Wife : Honey ..... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? You have been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour.??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

---

Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying...

& the other ensures U continue to do so.

---

Sardar to his friend "I kiss my Wife everyday before leaving for Office, what about you?"
Friend : Me too, after you leave.

---

Sardar: Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a Person asked
what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher Studies Yaar...!!!

---

Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

---

Twins were born to a sardarji,. he could not sleep for the whole night. why????
he kept wondering who is the father of the second child

---

Teacher : what do you want to become?
Lil johny : doctor !!
Teacher : why?
Lil johny : coz its the only profession where u can tell a woman to take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it.

---

Woman complaining to dentist: it's so painful, i'd rather have a baby, than have a tooth removed.
Dentist : make up ! your mind soon, i'll adjust the chair accordingly.

Thots...

November 23, 2005
Burning Brightly Allowing Your Soul To Shine

At times, we've all wanted to crawl under a rock and hide away from the world. We may have preferred to be invisible rather than let other people see us or notice that we exist. This desire not to be seen often happens when we are feeling very hurt, angry, or simply weary of the world. And while we may console ourselves with the defense that we are shy, an introvert, or a loner, we may actually be hiding.

When we hide and make believe that we are invisible, we can think that we no one sees us even though, truthfully, we are only really hiding from ourselves. And while we may try to live life as inconspicuously as possible, we only succeed in becoming more conspicuous because people can't help but notice that we are trying to hide our light. None of us are meant to hide; each one of us radiates a unique brilliance that is meant to illuminate the world. When we try to dim our light, we diminish the natural radiance of the Universe, and we deprive the people around us of the unique gifts and talents that we are here to share.

Stepping out of the wings and letting your light shine is actually a way to serve the planet. We each have a responsibility to contribute to our community, and we do this when we let ourselves be seen. It doesn't do anyone any good when we try to hide. We are all beings of light and we are here to light the way for each other. When we let ourselves shine, we become a bright mirror that others can see their own reflected brilliance through, and they can't help but want to shine also. Shine your light out into the world, bless those around you by sharing your gifts, and watch the universe glow.

Good ones...

High steaks...

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.

He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
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Irish plane crash...

Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night
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Pessimists...

Q: How many pessimists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's probably screwed in too tight anyway.
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Social workers...

Q: How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, but it takes 15 to write a paper entitled "coping with darkness"
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Bad food for couples...

Scientists have discovered that a certain food is now proven to stop women from performing oral sex

Its called "Wedding Cake"
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Play stations and women’s breasts...

What is the similarity between Play stations and women’s breasts?
Both are made for children, but used by adults
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Good driving...

"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."

------------------------------
http://www.office-humour.co.uk

A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a frying pan.

“What the hell was that for?” he asked.

“That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Mary Lou written on it,” she replied.

“But you don’t understand,” he pleaded. “Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Mary Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on.”

“Oh honey, I’m sorry,” she said. “I should have known there was a good explanation.”

Three days later he was watching a ball game on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked him out cold. When he came to, he asked, “What was that for?” he begged.

“Your horse called!”

Notice to all employees...

Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctors statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Annual Leave Days
Each employee will receive 104 Annual Leave days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the Chronic offenders category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company’s mental health policy.

Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation’s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management
http://www.office-humour.co.uk

Its tough being a Man

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her. If you don't work hard, you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, that is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your arse and find something better.

If you get a job or a promotion ahead of her, that is favoUritism. If she gets one ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.

If she gets paid, she says, "That's my paycheque." If you get paid, she says, "That our paycheque."

If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.

If you cry, you're a wimp. If you don't, you're an insensitive b*stard.

If you thump her, it's wife bashing. If she thumps you, it's self-defense.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination. If she asks you, it's a favoUr.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a pervert. If you don't, you're gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist. If you don't, you're unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain. If you don't, you're a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you're after something. If you don't, you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements, you're full of yourself. If you're not, you're not ambitious.

If she has a headache, she's tired. If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.

If you want it too often, you're oversexed. If you don't, there must be someone else.

No wonder men die before women do....they want to!

Good one.

Romans 12:17-18,21 Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

One minister tells of a wife who came into his office full of hatred toward her husband. "I do not only want to get rid of him, I want to get even! Before I divorce him, I want to hurt him as much as he has hurt me!"

The minister suggested an ingenious plan "Why don't you go home and act as if you really love your husband. Tell him how much he means to you. Praise him for every decent trait. Go out of your way to be as kind, considerate and generous as possible. Spare no efforts to please him. Make him believe you love him. Then -- after you've convinced him of your undying love and that you cannot live without him, drop the bomb. Tell him you want a divorce. That will really hurt him.

"With revenge in her eyes, she smiled and exclaimed, "Beautiful, beautiful! Boy, will he ever be devastated!" And she did it with enthusiasm. For two months she showed love and kindness, she listened, served and reinforced. When she didn't return to his office, the minister called. " So.are you ready now to go through with the divorce?" "Divorce?" she exclaimed. "Never! I discovered that I really do love him."

Actual Airline Cabin Announcements...

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

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- On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

- On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have.

- "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

- As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

- After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

- And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

- Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

- Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

- An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane.

She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"

"Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?"

The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"

- After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

- Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement:
"We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."

- A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... "OH, MY GOD!"

Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said,” Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

Heard on a Southwest Airline flight.

Received these as forwarded mail from my cousin working in Emirates Airlines, Dubai. Hope u would like em, as much as I had enjoyed. Have fun
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- "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking sections on this airplane are on the far end of the wings and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."

- just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault. -- It was the asphalt."

- "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa.. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

- "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."

- "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

- "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

- "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

- (South West has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"

- "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane"

Sardar Joke...

A Sardar gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.

"What's up?" He says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.

The sardar rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Veeru is hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"

The sardar slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his friend Veeru, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.

"Saale Kutte," screams the husband, "My wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!"

Embracing Unpredictability...

Got this from Mercy, today in the morning and believe me the article is good.
November 22, 2005 Embracing Unpredictability When Life Throws You A Curve Ball

In life, we are always setting goals for ourselves and working to make them happen. This gives us focus and ensures that we use our time and energy efficiently and effectively. It also provides us with a sense of purpose and direction. We know where we are going and what we want to do. But quite often, due to forces outside our control, things do not go as we had planned-the flat tire on the way to the wedding, the unforeseen flu virus-and we have to adjust to a postponement or create a whole new set of circumstances. Even positive turns of fortune - an unexpected influx of cash or falling in love - require us to be flexible and to reconsider our plans and priorities, sometimes in the blink of an eye. This is what happens when life throws you a curve ball.

The ability to accept what is happening and let go of your original expectations is key when dealing with these unexpected turns of fate. We have a tendency to get stuck in our heads, clinging to an idea of how we think life should go, and we can have a hard time accepting anything that doesn't comply with that idea. The fact is that life is unpredictable. The trip you thought was for business - and when the deal fell through, you got depressed - actually landed you at the airport two days earlier than planned so you could meet the love of your life. Your car breaks down, and you are late for an appointment. While it's true that you never arrive at that important meeting, you end up spending a few relaxing hours with people you would never have met otherwise.

In order to keep us awake to opportunity and to teach us equanimity, the universe throws us the occasional curve ball. Remember that curve balls are not only life's way of keeping us awake, which is a gift in and of itself; they are also often life's way of bringing us wonderful surprises. Next time a curve ball comes your way, take a deep breath, say thank you, and open your mind to a new opportunity.

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Article from the website: http://www.dailyom.com

THOTS...

I got the below thots from my uncle through his "Thots for the day" series. Thanks !!!

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"Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
- Friedrich Nietzsche"


As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...
-- Sir Norman Wisdom

One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.
-- Edgar Watson Howe

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!
-- Doug Larson

A harmful truth is always better then...a useful lie!!!
-- Eric Bolton

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
-- Erno Philips

I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'.
-- Robert Paul

English signs in foreign countries!!!

In a Bangkok temple:
"IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN."

Cocktail lounge, Norway:
"LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR."

Doctor's office, Rome:
"SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Dry cleaners, Bangkok:
"DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

In a Nairobi restaurant:
"CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER."

On an Athi River highway (the main road to Mombasa):
"TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE."

On a poster at Kencom:
"ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP."

In a City restaurant:
"OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS."

A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer:
"DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS."

In a cemetery:
"PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES."

Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
"GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED."

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
"OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR."

In a Tokyo bar:
"SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS."

Hotel, Yugoslavia:
"THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID."

Hotel, Japan:
"YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID."

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
"YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY."

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
"IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE."

Hotel, Zurich:
"BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE."

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
"WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?"

The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
"GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE."

In a Swiss mountain inn:
"SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE-CREAM."

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
"WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS."

A laundry in Rome:
"LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME."