Good ones...

I'm not into working out. My philosophy:
No pain, no pain.
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I am in shape.
Round's a shape.
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I'm desperately trying to figure out why
kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
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Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full
effect of alphabet soup?
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I always wanted to be somebody, but I should
have been more specific.
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Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face
he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a
car he sticks his head out the window.
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Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than
you is an idiot, and anyone going faster is a maniac.
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You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started
walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97
today and we don't know where she is.
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The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes
they would not be caught dead in otherwise.
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I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I
go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter
how long somebody stands there picking the locks,
they are always locking three.
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The statistics on sanity are that one out of every
four Americans is suffering from some form of mental
illness. Think of your three best friends. If they
are okay, then it's you.
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Got the above from the link http://www.rakkav.com