Pilot says: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land...it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
United Airlines FA: "Ladies and Gentlemen, as you are all now painfully aware, our Captain has landed in Seattle. From all of us at United Airlines we'd like to thank you for flying with us today and please be very careful as you open the overhead bins as you may be killed by falling luggage that shifted during our so called "touch down."
From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry... Unfortunately none of them are on this flight.
Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us here at US Airways."
Apron: KLM two-for-two expect start up in two hours.
Pilot: Please confirm: two hours delay?
Apron: Affirmative.
Pilot: In that case, cancel the good morning!
The world's first fully computerised airliner was ready for its maiden flight with out pilots or crew. The plane taxied to the loading area automatically, its doors opened automatically, the steps came out automatically. The passengers boarded the plane and took their seats. The steps retreated automatically, the doors closed, and the airplane taxied toward the runway.
"Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman," a voice intoned as the airplane lifted off. "Welcome to the debut of the world's first fully computerised airliner. Everything on this aircraft is run electronically. Just sit back and relax. Nothing can go wrong........nothing can go wrong......nothing can go wrong......"
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