The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless search, he went inside and told his mother the lens was nowhere to be found.
Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes, returned with the lens in her hand.
"How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the teenager asked.
"We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150."
Walking home one night, this guy hears a, "Psst! Psst!-give me a hand with this pig would you?"
Looking into the shadows the guy sees his neighbor holding onto a restless and aggitated pig. "What the heck are you planning to do with that?" he asks.
"I'm carrying it indoors and putting in the bath tub."
"Why do you wanna do a crazy thing like that?"
"Well, you see, it's my wife. She is one of those women who knows EVERYTHING! I tell her that the price of petrol has shot up again...she says I know! I tell her there is more trouble in the East again ... she says I know! I tell her Francis down the street is getting a divorce and she knows that, too. Well, tomorrow morning, since she always gets up before me, I'll wait for her to come running to me screaming 'THERE'S A PIG IN THE
BATH! THERE'S A PIG IN BATH!'"
And I'll just turn to her and say, "Yeah, I know!"
The following is a quote from a director of sports information in the Navy, regarding the theft of some mascots from the Naval Academy by Army rivals:
"We knew Army cadets were involved because they cut through two fences to get to the goats, and 15 feet away there was an unlocked gate."
Tommy had reached school age. His mother managed with a blast of propaganda to make him enthusiastic about the idea.
She bought him lots of new clothes, told him of the new friends he'd meet, and so on.
When the first day came, Tommy eagerly went off and came back home with a lot of glowing reports about school.
The next morning when his mother woke him up, he asked, "What for?" She told him it was time to get ready for school.
"What?" he asked. "Again?"
Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes, returned with the lens in her hand.
"How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the teenager asked.
"We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150."
..............................
Walking home one night, this guy hears a, "Psst! Psst!-give me a hand with this pig would you?"
Looking into the shadows the guy sees his neighbor holding onto a restless and aggitated pig. "What the heck are you planning to do with that?" he asks.
"I'm carrying it indoors and putting in the bath tub."
"Why do you wanna do a crazy thing like that?"
"Well, you see, it's my wife. She is one of those women who knows EVERYTHING! I tell her that the price of petrol has shot up again...she says I know! I tell her there is more trouble in the East again ... she says I know! I tell her Francis down the street is getting a divorce and she knows that, too. Well, tomorrow morning, since she always gets up before me, I'll wait for her to come running to me screaming 'THERE'S A PIG IN THE
BATH! THERE'S A PIG IN BATH!'"
And I'll just turn to her and say, "Yeah, I know!"
.......................................
The following is a quote from a director of sports information in the Navy, regarding the theft of some mascots from the Naval Academy by Army rivals:
"We knew Army cadets were involved because they cut through two fences to get to the goats, and 15 feet away there was an unlocked gate."
.........................................
Tommy had reached school age. His mother managed with a blast of propaganda to make him enthusiastic about the idea.
She bought him lots of new clothes, told him of the new friends he'd meet, and so on.
When the first day came, Tommy eagerly went off and came back home with a lot of glowing reports about school.
The next morning when his mother woke him up, he asked, "What for?" She told him it was time to get ready for school.
"What?" he asked. "Again?"
----------------------------------
No comments:
Post a Comment