Tuesday, September 11, 2007

15 ways stores trick you into spending. . .

By The Simple Dollar


Ever notice how you can go to a store to pick up just one thing and then, by the time you get to the check stand, you have five or six things in your cart and a bigger bill than you had anticipated?

This happens over and over because department stores use an array of techniques (grocery stores use many of the same tactics) to get you to pick up these items. By itself, each technique isn't very strong -- it's the use of them in combination that is powerful.

Here's a list of 15 of the best tricks. After the list, watch for 10 ways to combat these techniques so you can get in and out of stores with your finances intact.

1. Shopping carts. Most department-store customers enter the store intending to buy only an item or two, but the shopping carts are right there by the entrance and, oh, wouldn't it be convenient to have it so I can lean on it a bit while walking around and to put my stuff in it?

The cart has a huge bin compared with the size of most items for sale in the store, making it psychologically easy to toss in an item you don't need -- after all, there's room for plenty more, right?


2. Desirable departments are far away from the entrance. Most of the items I go to a department store to buy, such as light bulbs and laundry detergent, are located many, many aisles from the entrance. This means I spend my time walking by a lot of consumer goods on my way to find the item I want.

Because these consumer goods are effectively marketed to me, there's a good likelihood that I'll spy something that I don't necessarily need and toss it in the cart.


3. The toy section is far, far, far away from the entrance. Naturally, if I take my son to the store, he wants to visit the toy section. He gets excited and starts shouting "Ball! Ball!" to me when we go in because he remembers the enormous plastic balls in the toy section.

I tell him that if he's good, we'll go look at the balls, and at the end of the trip, we usually make our way over there. What do we see? Lots of children in that area, which means that there are parents that follow their children.

4. Impulse-oriented items are near the checkouts. Stores stock the latest DVD releases and "froth" magazines there, along with overpriced beverages and candy.

Why? Because people leaving the store are thirsty, and they're going to be standing in line for a bit, which is the perfect place to hook them with some entertainment options.


5. The most expensive versions of a product are the ones at eye level. Take a look sometime at the arrangement of different choices for a particular product, such as laundry detergent. Almost every time, the most expensive options per unit are placed at eye level, so you see them first when you enter an aisle. The bulk options and better deals are usually on the bottom shelves.


6. Items that aren't on sale are sometimes placed as though they are on sale, without using the word "sale." I noticed this over and over with diapers; the department store would display a rack of them with a huge sign above them displaying the price, but it would be the same price I paid for them a week ago. Unsurprisingly, the diapers displayed like that were always the most expensive kind.


7. Commodity items, such as socks, are surrounded by noncommodity items, such as shirts and jeans. If I'm looking to buy some socks, I have to traverse through a number of racks full of different types of clothing in the clothing section just to reach them.

Why? If my mind is already open to the idea of buying clothes, I would be more likely to look at other clothing items.


8. Slickly packaged items alternate with less slickly packaged items. Look carefully at an aisle of, say, potato chips. The ones with the bright and slick packaging are generally more expensive, which isn't surprising.

But notice that there usually isn't a section of just inexpensive chips -- in most stores, they're sandwiched between more-expensive items. If there is a section of just inexpensive items, they're down by your feet (think about the inexpensive bagged cereals at your local supermarket).


9. Stop, stop, stop. You add items to your cart only if you stop, right? So stores are designed to maximize the number of stops you have to make: aisles in which only two carts can fit, colorful and attractive layouts, escalators and, my favorite of all, sample vendors. Even if it's not conscious to you, every time you stop moving in a store, you increase your chances of putting something into your cart.


10. Staple items are placed in the middle of aisles, nonessential and overpriced items near the end. Why? If you enter an aisle to get a "staple" item (i.e., a high-traffic item), you have to go by the other items twice -- once on the way in and once on the way out. That gives these items two chances to make their pitch at you.


11. Prices are chosen to make comparison math difficult. Instead of selling the 100-ounce detergent for $6 and the 200-ounce detergent for $11 (making it easier to figure out the better deal), they sell the 100-ounce for $5.99 and the 200-ounce for $10.89.

Hey, look, they're basically the same, right, because five is half of 10? Uh, no


12. Stuff in bins isn't always a bargain. Higher-end stores will sometimes put items in "bins" to emulate the bargains found at cheaper stores, but the prices are still quite high. They just use the visual cue of a "bargain store" to make you think it is a bargain.


13. High-markup items are made to look prestigious. If you see something in a glass case that has lots of space around it, your gut reaction is to believe that it is valuable and prestigious to own, and for many people it can be as attractive as a light to a moth. The truth is that these items typically have tremendous markup -- you're literally just buying an idea, not a product.


14. The most profitable department is usually the first one you run into. Ever noticed that at Younkers, JC Penney, Kohl's and such stores, the cosmetic department is front and center? That's because it's very profitable, and by putting it in a place where people walk by time and time again, customers are more prone to making a purchase on an item with a very big markup.


15. Restrooms and customer services are usually right by the exit or as far from the exit as possible. Why? If you need to use either one in the middle of a shopping journey, you have to walk by a lot of merchandise to reach the needed service, thus increasing your chances for an impulse buy.


How can I fight back?

Is there any wonder why people end up buying more than they need or buying sizes that are poor deals? With an array of techniques at their disposal, retailers can make a mint.

Had enough? Here are 10 things you can do to fight back against these techniques:


1. Don't use a shopping cart unless you need it. A cart, most of the time, is just a place to put stuff you don't need. If you're carrying a product, you're a lot more likely to consider whether it's a worthwhile purchase.


2. Make a shopping list and stick to it. A list makes you focus on the items you intended to buy. Without it, you are much more prone to wandering and stumbling into "great buys" that you don't really need.


3. Look at nothing but the prices and sizes. That's all the information you really need -- everything else is marketing. Find the one that has the best price for its size, get that one, and move on.


4. Start at the back and work toward the front. If this is an option at all for you based on the store layout, do it. When you go in, head directly for the most distant item, then progress back toward the checkout aisles. If you do it the other way, you're prone to walk more slowly and tiredly toward the front after your shopping is done, leaving you open to lots of impulse buys on the way.


5. Always look at the bottom shelf first. If you've found the section you want, start looking at the bottom shelf first. This is usually where the better per-unit deals are.


6. Don't stop unless you're actively selecting an item. Displays are designed to beg you to stop for a moment and just look, which is often enough to get you to pick out the item. Even if something looks interesting, keep walking. You can study it as you go past and make up your mind later about the item.


7. Never go by an item twice unless absolutely necessary. If you go down an aisle, start at one end and continue all the way out the other. Walking by an item once lets it sink into your short-term memory, giving just a hint of familiarity when you walk by it again, sometimes just enough to persuade you to buy it.


8. Carry a pocket calculator -- or know how to use the one on your cell phone. Do the math yourself to find out what the best buy is because stores try to choose numbers that make drawing false conclusions quite easy.


9. If you don't know for sure that it is a good deal, don't buy because you think it is a good deal. Stores use all kinds of visual cues to make you think something is a bargain when it's not (like the bin trick mentioned above). Don't buy anything because it's a "deal" unless you're sure that it really is an excellent bargain -- just walk away.


10. At the checkout, rethink everything you put in your cart -- and don't hesitate to hand an item to the cashier and say you've changed your mind. Many people seem to have a guilt, or obligation, to buy an item that they've put into their cart. Don't. You're the customer -- you have the right to choose whether to buy. If you find something you don't want to buy, tell the cashier and don't buy it.


This article was written by the founder of The Simple Dollar, a blog offering a peek at his recovery from near bankruptcy.

Monday, September 03, 2007

Interesting read...

this is from the table mat of Kamat Veg Rest in Sharjah.

- Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again

- Why be difficult when with a bit of effort you can be impossible?

- When in charge, ponder:
When in doubt, mumble.
When in trouble, delegate

- Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else

- Money can;t buy happiness but it can certainly rent it for a couple of hours

- Never underestimate the power of human stupidity

- Time flies when you don't know what you're doing

- Committee is a group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary

- The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it

- Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate

- Its hard to soar like an eagle when you're surrounded by turkeys

- Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river

- He who laughs last didn't get the joke

- The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of you action

- Only those who attempt the absurd can achieve the impossible

- If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way

- Hard work never killed anybody but why take a chance?

- A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.

Saturday, September 01, 2007

50 years together - No excuses


A man and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.

"Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed son number one ... "Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and didn't have time to get you a gift."

"Not to worry," said the father. "The important thing is that we're all together today."

Son number two arrived and announced, "You and Mom look great, Dad. I just flew in from Los Angeles between depositions and didn't have time to shop for you."

"It's nothing," said the father, "We're glad you were able to come."

Just then the daughter arrived, "Hello and happy anniversary! I'm sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing so I didn't have time to get you anything."
After they had finished dessert, the father said, "There's something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, we were very poor. Despite this, we were able to send each of you to college.

Throughout the years your mother and I knew that we loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get married."

The three children gasped and all said, "You mean we're bastards?"


"Yep," said the father,"And cheap ones too!"

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2007 when...


1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own drive and use your mobile phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7 Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your mobile phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no number 9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a number 9 on this list. AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING again.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Vodka Advice


A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.

8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the s … out of him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!

11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."

2. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God". And finally...

13. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St.Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Orkut - Use it wisely

Dear Friend...

Few days back in Mumbai Mirror Daily, it is written that so many terrorists and under world people has got connecting through orkut. Like Davood Ibrahim, Chotta Shakkil, ...........so many people are getting new man power through Orkut only. The IB has started their investigations. So please reduce the contacts through Orkut.

It is usual that we receive friend request from unknown people. But if you actually do not know that person it is good to reject that request. Because if one terrorist is found by Police, his entire friend's list will be carefully followed. And if you are there, you also will be in trouble.

So be careful! Also forward it to all your friends. This information is true. It is written in the front page of Mumbai Mirror Daily.

You may be thinking that why these people adding so many friends through orkut. It is simply because to mislead the Police. When they(Police) get a huge friend list they will be concentrating on them. They may be innocent people. At that time the real terrorists can escape. So friends, please forward this information to all you know.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Vodka Advice


A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."


So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.

8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the s … out of him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!

11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."

12. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God". And finally...

13. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St.Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.


Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Chanakya 's Quotes - Worth Learning !!!

Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)

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"A person should not be too honest.
Straight trees are cut first
and Honest people are screwed first."


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"Even if a snake is not poisonous,
it should pretend to be venomous."


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"The biggest guru-mantra is: Never share your secrets with anybody. If you cannot keep secret with you , do not expect that other will keep it. !

It will destroy you."

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"There is some self-interest behind every friendship.
There is no Friendship without self-interests.

This is a bitter truth."

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"Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions - Why am I doing it, What the results might be and Will I be successful.

Only when you think deeply and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead."

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"As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it."

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"Once you start a working on something,
don't be afraid of failure and don't abandon it.
People who work sincerely are the happiest."


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"The fragrance of flowers spreads
only in the direction of the wind.
But the goodness of a person spreads in all direction."


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"A man is great by deeds, not by birth."


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"Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years.

For the next five years, scold them.
By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend.
Your grown up children are your best friends."


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"Education is the best friend.
An educated person is respected everywhere.

Education beats the beauty and the youth."


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Who wants to be a PIG???



Hey guys !!!!

Who wants to be a PIG???

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it)

If you farted constantly for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
(Don't try this at home,maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the...?!")

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human
jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond? )

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm......)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than
left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
( I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)


Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy facts and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...In other words, send it to everyone!

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Ladies !! Watch out what you say ? ? ?

A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of their first stops was the Breeding bull exhibit.

They went up to the first pen and there was a Sign attached that said, "This bull mated 52 times last year."
The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "See ... He mated 52 times last year? ....once-a-week."

They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 125 times last year."
The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, "That's more than Twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."

They walked to the third Pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, "This Bull mated 365 times last year."
The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly Broke her husband's ribs, said, that's once-a-DAY. You could REALLY Learn something from this one."

The husband looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow."

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Common Sense-Applicable only for those outside India

My parents told me about Mr. Common Sense early in my life and told me I would do well to call on him when making decisions. It seems he was always around in my early years but less and less as time passed by until today I read his obituary. Please join me in a moment of silence in remembrance. For Common Sense had served us all so well for so many generations.

Obituary -Common Sense

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Aspirin, sun lotion or a bandage to a student; but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know my Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm a Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Author unknown

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Sardar jokes

Thanks Ganga for sending me these jokes.


Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.
Prince said, "Pass the wine you divine".
Sardar thinks "how poetic"
Sardar says, "pass the custard you bastard".

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Sardar at bar in New York.
Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"
Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single"
Sardar says - "Baljith Singh Married"

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Boss : I am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it ok?
Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary is ok .......but?? how much is DRIVING salary...?

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Sardar's theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at night when light is needed & Sun gives light during the day when light is not needed!!!

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2 sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the other to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says YES...NO...YES...NO...YES...NO...

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Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend " u said v will do register marriage and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post office....

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Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1 leg, and says, "chal", it walks.
He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "chal" , it walks.
He cuts all the legs and said, "chal...." Finally he wrote the conclusion......
...... "after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf......"

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A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??"
Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"

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2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....

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Sunday, July 15, 2007

Tears - Interesting piece of information


There was a study done where a control group of 100 people were divided into two.

50 people watched a very funny, tears-of laughter type movie.
50 watched a very sad and tears of compassion type movie.

At the end of the sessions researchers collected the "happy tears" and the "sad tears" with eye droppers. They found that "happy tears" are made up of brine salt water and not a great deal else However the "sad tears" were found to contain the very same chemicals and enzymes that are found in tumors, ulcers and other such lumps and bumps and sicknesses through out the body.

This test concluded that the body, when crying in sadness etc is literally flushing out all of the toxic-chemicals that accumulate and are a part of the sadness /heartache experience.

Therefore if one holds back those tears, those toxic-waters will find somewhere else to deposit themselves and prolonged lack-of-crying-release will guarantee that the body will accumulate a huge amount of internal pollution and toxicity that should have been released through the tears is it any wonder that the eyes sting so much when we hold back our tears?

LESSON FROM THE STUDY:

CRY YOUR HEART OUT WHEN YOU ARE SAD, LONELY, ALONE, DEPRESSED, ETC..... IT IS GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH!


Click on this link for more info: "
http://www.geocities.com/kidhistory/trauma/tears.htm"

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Life is what we make it.....

The other day a friend's son, Jayant, was telling his experience. During the diwali vacation, he and his couple of friends had gone to Delhi.

They rented a taxi for local sight-seeing. The driver was an old Sardar, and boys being boys, Jayant and his pals began cracking Sardarji jokes, just to insinuate the old man.

But to their surprise, the fellow remained unperturbed.

At the end of the sight-seeing, they paid up the hire-charges. The Sardar returned the change. Moreover, he gave each one of them Re.1 extra and said, (in Hindi, of course),

''Son, since morning you have been telling Sardarji jokes. I listened to them all and let me tell you, some of them were in a very bad taste. Still, I don't mind coz I know that you are young blood and are yet to know what the world is about. You have yet to know what is will power, dedication and success, you have yet to see the world. But I have
just one request. Here I am giving you Re.1 each. Give it to the first Sardar beggar that you come across in
this city.'

Jayant continued,' That Re.1 coin is still with me. I couldn't find a single Sardar begging on the streets of Delhi !'

Smilers wear a CROWN, Loosers wear a FROWN.

ANT & GRASSHOPPER

OLD VERSION...

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.


MODERN VERSION

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and others are cold and starving. NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house. Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other grasshoppers demanding that grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter. Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the grasshopper. The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) . Opposition MP's stage a walkout. Left parties call for "Bharat Bandh" in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry. CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among ants and grasshoppers. Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.

Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act [POTAGA]", with effect from the beginning of the winter. Arjun Singh makes Special Reservation for Grass Hopper in educational Insititutions & Govt.Services.
The ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV. Arundhati Roy calls it "a triumph of justice". Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice'. CPM calls it the 'revolutionary resurgence of the downtrodden' Koffi Annan invites the grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.

Many years later...The ant has since migrated outside India and set up a multinational company . 100s of grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

More Oxymorons...

Aircraft Black Box It's painted orange!

Briefing Often long meeting

Chili Refers to hot

Hermitage Where multiple hermits live

Internal Revenue Service Tax Authority

No Comment Is a Comment

Retired Re-tired = Tired again

This page intentionally left blank but it isn't!

Was Suicided Driven to Suicide

Well Done Over-cooked Steak

Oxymoron...


An Oxymoron is a combination of two contradictory words. "Amateur Expert,'' "Mercy Killing'' and "Deafening Silence'' are some examples. Have a look at the site Oxymoron (http://www.oxymorons.info/), which contains a variety of oxymorons, organised under different categories such as Business, Education, Science and Technology.


Examples:

1) I distinctly remember forgetting that. -- Clara Barton

2) A joke is a very serious thing. -- Winston Churchill

3) The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep

4) Change is the only Constant.

5) I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. -- Mark Twain

6) The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. -- Winston Churchill

7) A hospital is no place to be sick. -- Samuel Goldwyn

8) A little pain never hurt anyone.

9) Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. -- Samuel Goldwyn

10) He lived his life to the end.


Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Typical top management

A Red Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a Bucket of cow dung in the other. He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee".

The waiter says, "Sure Sir, coming right up." Waiter gets the Red Indian a tall mug of coffee, and the Red Indian Drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of cow dung, throws it into The air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.

The next morning the Red Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one Hand and bucket of cow dung in the other. He walks up to the counter and Says to the waiter, "Me want coffee".

The waiter says, "Whoa Sir! We are still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What the heck was all that about?"

The Red Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me training for Upper Management Position: Come in, drink coffee, shoot some crap, leave mess around for others to clean, disappear for rest of the day".

Sunday, March 18, 2007

100 Kisses...Really very clever wife!!

A letter has been sent from a husband:

Dear Sweetheart:I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses.
You are my sweetheart,

your husband.

His wife replied back after some days to her husband :

Dearest sweetheart,

Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.

1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses instead of the rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some other items.
5. Other expenses 40 kisses

Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope that I can complete the month using this balance.

Shall I plan same way for next months, please advise.

Your Sweet Heart .

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Attitude !!!

A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a soda carton and asked fora phone call.
Shop-owner replied, "Sweety! This is not an STD booth, but you can make one call". (The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation. )
The boy asked, "Lady, can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?". The woman replied, "I already have someone to cut my lawn"
"Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now," replied the boy.
The woman responded that "she was very satisfied with the person who was presently cutting the lawn."
The little boy found more perseverance and offered, "Lady, I'll even sweep your curb and your side walk, so on Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in all of North-Palm Beach, Florida.
"Again the woman answered in the negative. With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy and said, "Son.... I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job.
"The little boy replied, "No thanks, I was just checking my performance with the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady I was talking to!"

Performance counts!!!

A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a person who is dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses him, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you into the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The person replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, from New York."

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven ".

Now it is the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am the Right Reverend Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven ".

"Just a minute," says the priest. "That man was a taxi driver. Why does he get a silken robe and golden staff?"

"Results", shrugged! Saint Peter.

"While you preached, people slept. When he drove, people prayed."

Moral:

It is Performance, Not Position that Counts.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Good One!!!

If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and I'll pray for you!
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out!
Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes!
After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face.
She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right." "All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you.""What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.
------------------------------------------------
Wonder what would have the reaction of his wife at this point

English is phunny!!!

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl

Eyes and Friendship

Do you know the relationship between two eyes..?

They blink together,
They move together,
They cry together,
They see things together And
They sleep together

BUT THEY NEVER SEE EACH OTHER.. That's what friendship is..........

BUT

BUT

BUT

BUT

BUT

BUT

BUT

BUT

But when a beautiful girl comes in front, one eye goes blink and the other remains open........

Moral of the story

Girls can break even the best of friendships!!!


PS - Any comments from the girls ??

Some thing interesting...

1. 5 minutes ago you were traveling to office at 80 mph. in your brand new car. Now you are traveling to hospital at double the speed in an ambulance, you wish there was 'undo (ctrl + Z)' in life!

2. You are already late, and your key is missing, you wish there was 'find tool (ctrl+F)' in life!

3. You are a bankrupt, after investing in some weird business, you wish there was 'rebuild all' in life!

4. The train is so crowded that you cannot get anywhere near that nice girl at the other end, You wish there was 'zoom & view full screen' in life!

5. After marriage you realize that there is bound to be a mismatch, you wish there was an valuation period' or at least a 'sample download' or a 'demo version'!

6. One day you realize that you are turning bald, you wish there was 'cut and paste (ctrl + X)/(ctrl+C)'inlife!

And the best one is ..........

7. The best part of the keyboard is U & I are together which is not always there in life......

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Laws of Coincidence!!!

LAW OF COFFEE:

As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Law of the Telephone:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

Law of bathroom:
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of queue:
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

LAW of the RESULT:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Good one...

Once a man went to a Veterinary (Animal) Doctor and said:
Doctor I came
on vacation so that I can get treated.

Doctor: I think you should go to the Doctor opposite to my clinic


Man: No, I want u 2 treat me.

Doctor: But, I am a Veterinary Doctor. I am an animal specialist.

Man: I know, but I want you to treat me.

Doctor: I cannot, because you speak like me and think like me which means you are a human, not an animal.

Man: I know I am same and I am a human but the problem is I get up in the morning like a horse, I go to work like a deer, I work all day like a donkey, I wag my tail in front of my manager like a dog, I play with my children like a monkey, I am like a rabbit in front of my wife.

Doctor asked: Do you work in DUBAI ?

Man: Yes


Doctor yelled: Come, no body can treat you better than me !!!

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Husband n Wife!!!

Come Home

A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him. "Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed I called out: "Is that you, Jim?" And that cured him. "Cured him !" asked the woman, "but how?" The neighbour said, "You
see, his name is Bill
________________________________

Why divorce

In a divorce court a woman requested the judge: "Your honor, I want to divorce my husband." "But why ?" asked the judge. She replied, "Because he is not faithful to me." The judge asked, "How do you know ?" She replied, "My lord, not a single child resembles him

________________________________

Love Your Enemy

From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One month after I die I want you to marry Samy." "Samy! But he is your enemy !" "Yes, I know that ! I've suffered all these years so let him suffer now"

_________________________________

Wedding Ring

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? " The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man
_________________________________

Why

" Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man's arms. " Why, Dad ? Tell me why!" Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, "Maybe, Son, she didn't get the fax:

Beer or Women? A man's dilemma....

A beer is always wet, a woman isn't.
1 point for beer!

Beer is horrible when it is hot.
1 point for women!

A cold beer satisfies you.
1 point for beer!

If you come back home smelling beer, your wife can get angry at you.
If you come back home smelling women, your wife will get angry for sure and she might even not talk to you again.
Draw! (it depends on your point of view...)

10 beers in a night and then you can't drive. 10 women in one night and you don't have to drive anywhere!
1 point for women!

The older beer is the better.
1 point for beer!

Many beers can make you see UFO's. Many women can make you see God!
1 point for women!

If you ask yourself how the next woman will be, you're normal. If you ask yourself how the next beer will be, you're alcoholic.
1 point for women!

For a beer you pay taxes.
1 point for women!

If you take a second beer, the first one doesn't get angry.
1 point for beer!

You can always be sure that you're the first one "opening" a beer.
1 point for beer!

You know exactly how much a beer costs.
1 point for beer!

A beer doesn't have a nagging mom.
1 point for beer!

You can do it if you want, but beer won't ask you to hug her for half an hour after.
1 point for beer!

FINAL SCORE: Beer beats women. (8 to 6)

If you're a woman and getting angry, think that a beer wouldn't.

Another point for beer! Final score: 9 to 6.

-------------------------------------------------------------------
I sum up by saying that both Women and Beer is needed, just that the importance will keep varying from time to time.