REALIZE THE VALUE

I got this as a mail from a friend of mine and I somehow like it and then thought to blog it:
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To realize the value of a sister
Ask someone Who doesn't have one.

To realize the value of ten years:
Ask a newly divorced couple.

To realize the value of four years:
Ask a graduate.

To realize the value of one year:
Ask a student who has failed a final exam.

To realize the value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.

To realize the value of one month:
Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.

To realize the value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize the value of one hour:
Ask the lovers who are waiting to Meet.

To realize the value of one minute:
Ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize the value of one-second:
Ask a person who has survived an accident.

To realize the value of one millisecond:
Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics

Time waits for no one.

Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when

you can share it with someone special.

To realize the value of a friend: Lose one to realize.

Surgeon's delight !

Four surgeons are discussing who has the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

But the fourth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable

New Wed Couple !

The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it in simple words, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison.

They made love for the first time. Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction. Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him." After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!" The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady
legs of a recently born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted. She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again." Simply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence, OKAY!'

Two Nun's and a Blinds man

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits.

After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude.

In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?", calls one of the nuns. "Blinds man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.

The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door. "Nice tits, and a whooos" says the man, "Where doyou want these blinds installed ?"

The Hat Puzzle !!!

4 criminals are caught and are to be punished.

The Judge allows them to be freed if they can solve a puzzle.

If they do not, they will be hung. They agreed.

The 4 criminals are lined up on some steps (shown in picture).
They are all facing in the same direction.
A wall seperates the fourth man from the other three.

So to summarise :-

Man 1 can see men 2 and 3.
Man 2 can see man 3.
Man 3 can see none of the others.
Man 4 can see none of the others.

The criminals are wearing hats.

They are told that there are two white hats and two black hats.
The men initally don't know what colour hat they are wearing.
They are told to shout out the colour of the hat that
they are wearing as soon as they know for certain what colour it is.

They are not allowed to turn round or move.
They are not allowed to talk to each other.
They are not allowed to take their hats off.

Who is the first person to shout out and why?

PS: There is no trick to the question, just logical deduction.



Ans : Scroll down.

The solution to the puzzle

The man who calls out is Number 2.

Why?

After a short time, Number 1 has not shouted out what colour hat he is wearing. Because of this number 2 knows that he cannot be wearing the same colour hat as the person in front of him. If he was then number 1 would see two black hats and would therefore know that his hat must be white.Armed with the knowledge that :-

He isn't wearing the same colour hat as the man in front. The man in front is wearing a black hat. number two can confidently shout out that the hat he is wearing is white. Easy wasn't it!

Who is guilty ?

Wife is dreaming in the middle of the night and suddenly shouts:

"Up!! Quick! My husband is back.

Man gets up, jumps out of the window, hurts his butt, and then realizes:

"Damn, I'm the husband!"

Who is guilty in this situation? ? ? ?

Good one..

Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here."The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese".

"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg. In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."

The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carsberg, you're all the same."
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This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain and this joke was sent by an Indian

think it over.....

We spend the first twelve months of our children's liv! es teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
-- Phyllis Diller

Laughter is the closest distance between two people.
-- Victor Borge

Start every day with a smile and get it over with.
-- W.C. Fields

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
-- Will Rogers

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison.
-- Tim Allen

What do u think of Men !

The following comparisons have been suggested for men. What do you think?

Men are like department stores....
their clothes should always be half off.

Men are like computers...
hard to figure out and never have enough memory.

Men are like coolers...
load them with beer and you can take them anywhere

Men are like chocolate bars....
sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

Men are like coffee....
the best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.

Men are like horoscopes....
they always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

Men are like
plungers... they spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.

Q: Why are men like laxatives?
A: They irritate the crap out of you

Q: What are two reasons men don't mind their own business?
A: No mind-No business

Q: How are men and parking spots alike?
A: The good ones are taken and what's left is handicapped

Q: Why is it hard for a women to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends

Men are like ceramic tile: lay 'em right the first time and you can walk on 'em for years

Recruiting the right person !!!

Does your Company have a problem in recruiting the right person for the right chair?  If yes, try this simple experiment.

Put around 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2-3 candidates into the room and close it from outside. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours, and then analyze the situation:

If they are counting and recounting the number of bricks
– PUT THEM IN ACCOUNTS DEPT.
 
If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks
- PUT THEM IN ENGINEERING.
 
If they are arranging the bricks in some other order
- PUT THEM IN PLANNING.

If they are throwing the bricks at each other
- PUT THEM IN OPERATIONS.
 
If they are sleeping
- PUT THEM IN SECURITY.

If they have broken the bricks into pieces
- PUT THEM IN INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY.

If they are sitting idle
- PUT THEM IN HUMAN RESOURCE DEPT.

If they have thrown the bricks out of the window
- PUT THEM IN THE MATERIALS DEPT.
  
If they are clinging onto the bricks
- PUT THEM IN TREASURY.

If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has moved
- PUT THEM IN SALES.
  
If they have already left for the day
- PUT THEM IN MARKETING.
  
If they are staring out of the window
- PUT THEM IN THE EXPORT.
  
AND last but not least..........
  
If they are talking to each other and not a brick has moved
- PUT THEM IN TOP MANAGEMENT

Heights!!!

Pls. do not feel offended with the contents, take it light!

Height of patience:

A naked woman lying down with her legs apart under a banana tree.

Height of frustration:

A boxer trying to scratch his balls.

Height of Innocence:

A teenager girl applying Clearasil to her nipples.

Height of Unemployment:

Cobwebs in the hole of the prostitute.

Height of laziness:

A guy lying on a girl and waiting for an earthquake to do the rest.

Height of Competition:

A guy peeing beside a waterfall.

Height of Technology:

Condom with zip.

Height of Trouble:

A one handed man hanging from a cliff and his butt is itching.

THE VALUE OF A TREE

A tree that lives for 50 years generates:

Rs. 5.3 lakhs worth of oxygen,
recycles Rs. 6.4 lakhs worth of fertility and soil erosion control,
creates Res. 10.5 lakhs worth of air pollution control,
Rs. 5.3 lakhs worth of shelter for birds and animals.

Besides, it provides flowers, fruits and lumber.

So, when even one tree falls or is felled, the city loses something worth more than Rs. 32 lakhs.

THINK BEFORE YOU CUT A TREE

Guilty about your age ???

HAVE YOU BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, "SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD?"


I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.

I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITHTHE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 40-ODD YEARS AGO.

COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN??

UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.

THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.

HMMM,...OR COULD HE???

AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED CENTRAL HIGH SCHOOL.

"YES. YES, I DID. " HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.

"WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?" I ASKED.

HE ANSWERED, "IN 1957. WHY DO YOU ASK?"

"YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!" I EXCLAIMED.

HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY

THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, WRINKLED SON-OF-A-BITCH ASKED,

"WHAT DID YOU TEACH?"

Story telling with a moral !!!

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess."

"What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

"Very good," said the teacher.

Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is,

"Don’t count your chickens before they're hatched."

"That was a fine story Sarah. Michael, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in the Gulf War and her plane was hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete.

She drank the whisky on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Stay the fuck away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking."

April fool

Your honor, I am 86 years old.

So here I am, sitting there on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sits beside me.

He starts to rub my thigh, and it feels good, Your Honor. So I don't stop him, and he begins to rub my old breasts, Your Honor. Why, Your Honor, I haven't felt that good in years! So I just spread my old legs and say to him, "Take me, young man, Take Me!"

He yelled, "April Fool" and that's when I shot the Son of a Bitch

Don't Change the World...

Once upon a time, there was a king who ruled a prosperous country. One day, he went for a trip to some distant areas of his country. When he was back to his palace, he complained that his feet were very painful, because it was the first time that he went for such a long trip, and the road that he went through was very rough and stony. He then ordered his people to cover every road of the entire country with leather. Definitely, this would need thousands of cows' skin, and would cost a huge amount of money.
 
Then one of his wise servant dared himself to tell the king, "Why do you have to spend that unnecessary amount of money? Why don't you just cut a little piece of leather to cover your feet?”
 
The king was surprised, but he later agreed to his suggestion, to make a "shoe" for himself.
 
There is actually a valuable lesson of life in this story: to make this world a happy place to live, you better change yourself - your heart; and not the world . . .

http://www.4minutesperday.com

"F" word !!!

The link mentioned in this section, demonstrates the versatility of the word “FUCK”. (Not intended to offend anyone)

It is said that this is the most widely used word in the English language.

http://www.extremefunnyhumor.com/fun_fword.htm

It’s an audio file and it’s damn interesting.

ThOuGhT ThAt MaTtErS.

An old man lived alone in Minnesota. He wanted to spade his potato Garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation:
---
Dear Son,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my potato garden this year. I hate to miss doing the garden, because your mother always loved planting time. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison.

Love, Dad.
---
Shortly, the old man received this telegram:

"For Heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up the garden!! That's where I buried the GUNS!!"

At 4a.m the next morning, a dozen police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns.

Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asked him “What to do next”.

His son's reply was: Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad. It's the best I could do for you from here."

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Moral

NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE IN THE WORLD,IF YOU HAVE DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING DEEP FROM YOUR HEART YOU CAN DO IT. IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN THE THOUGHT THAT MATTERS.

Tech Savvy…

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...
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Customer: Hi, this is Celina. I can't get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, but it's really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ...
Customer: No ...wait a minute...I hadn't inserted it yet...it's still on my desk... sorry....
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Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: You’re left or my left?
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Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and ...
Customer: Listen pal, don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates damn it!
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Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can t find it...
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Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Helpdesk: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: No.
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Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
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Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
Customer: It's not working.
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothings happening...
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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work!
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Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
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Customer: I couldn't get on the Internet.
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
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Helpdesk: What anti virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That's not an anti virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!
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Helpdesk: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around it?

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Does Management know their Staff?

On walking into the factory, the MD noticed a young guy leaning against the wall, doing nothing. He approached the young man and calmly said to him, "How much do you earn?"

The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal question, he replied, none the less, “I earn $2000.00 a month, Sir. Why?"

Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed $6000.00 cash and gave it to the young man and said, "Around here I pay people for working, not for standing around looking pretty!

Here is 3 month’s salary, now GET OUT and don't come back". The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight.

Noticing a Few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner, "And that applies for everybody in this company".

He approached one of the onlookers and asked him,” Is he your friend, the young man that I just fired?" To which an amazing reply came,

"He was the Pizza delivery man, Sir.!.!.!”