Airline Humor (audio)

I was going thru the net and found this link to some very interesting stuff, basically an audio advt. of 'Bud Light'

enjoy by clicking on these links:

= Mr. Airline Meal Chef
= Mr. Airport Baggage Handler
= Mr. Discount Airline Pilot Guy

This is a great site, containing all the advt of Bud Light, its titles "Real Men of Genius" <=click and then go scroll down and there are about 100 of them. Enjoy

many more in http://www.l1011.homestead.com/

Incase u r interested in Airlines, then go to http://www.airliners.net

.

Hi....check this out!!!!!!!!! All these are real eye openers ..

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.

(Like THAT makes sense!!)

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In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitalia, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see the reflection in a mirror.

(Do they look different reversed?)

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Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.

(A brick??)

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The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

(Much worse than "going blind!")

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There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time ...

Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.

(Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)

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In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.

(Ah! Justice!)

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Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England, but only in tropical fish stores.

(But of course!)

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In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.

(Makes one shudder at the thought!)

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In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.

(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)

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In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."

(Is that a great country or what? Not as great as Guam!)

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A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.

(In my next life I want to be a pig)

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Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

(Still not over that pig thing)

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Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)

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The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmm.... I won't touch THAT one!)

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The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

(From drinking little bottles of...? -- Did the govt. pay for this research??)

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Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

(In my next life I STILL want to be a pig ... quality over quantity)

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An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.

(I know some people like that.)

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Starfish don't have brains.

(I know some people like that too)

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After reading all these, all I can say is ..... Damn those Pigs!!

Brain wash on Increment & Promotion !!!

After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his manager one morning and after exchanging greetings, he told his manager his observation.

The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying; My friend, you have not worked here for even one day.

The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.

Manager:- How many days are there in a year?
Man:- 365 days and some times 366

Manager:- how many hours make up a day?
Man:- 24 hours

Manager:- How long do you work in a day?
Man:- 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day.

Manager:- So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?
Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours ie. 1/3(one third)

Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?
Man:- 122 (1/3x366 122 in days)

Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?
Man:- No sir

Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days

Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many days do you now have?
Man:- 18 days.

Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that 14 days from the 18 days left.How many days do you have remaining?
Man:- 4 days

Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?
Man:- No sir!

Manager:- Do you come to work on workers day?
Man:- No sir!

Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 2 days sir!

Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday )?
Man:- No sir!

Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 1 day sir!

Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?
Man:- No sir!

Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- None sir!

Manager:- So, what are you claiming?
Man:- I understood Sir !
Thank you sir for all the money you have been giving me, I am sorry for trying to steal from the Company !!!

SIMPLE 'LOVE'LY TRUTHS . . (Shared Thots)

THE LOVE OF PARENTS FOR THEIR CHILDREN,
HAS ALWAYS BEEN FAR MORE POWERFUL
THAN THAT OF CHILDREN
FOR THEIR PARENTS.
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WHEN LOVE AND SKILL WORK TOGETHER,
EXPECT A MASTERPIECE.
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OF ALL CREATIONS OF EARTH AND HEAVENS,
LOVE IS THE MOST PRECIOUS.
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THE BIBLE TELLS US TO LOVE OUR NEIGHBOURS
AND ALSO TO LOVE OUR ENEMIES,
PROBABLY BECAUSE GENERALLY,
THEY ARE THE SAME PEOPLE ?!
----------------------------------------------------------
IT IS A GOOD THING TO BE RICH AND STRONG,
BUT IT IS A BETTER THING TO BE LOVED.
----------------------------------------------------------
THE WAY TO FILL YOUR LIFE WITH LOVE IS SIMPLE;
IF YOU WANT MORE LOVE, GIVE MORE LOVE.
-----------------------------------------------------------
FRIENDSHIP CAN SURVIVE WITHOUT LOVE
LOVE CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT FRIENDSHIP

Wild Wisdom - Animals as Teachers

Animals As Teachers

Since prehistoric times, animals have acted as companions to humans on their journey toward enlightenment. Animals as disparate in character as house pets, birds, sea creatures, and insects have been our mentors, teachers, and guides. There is much we can learn from animals, as they offer us the unique opportunity to transcend the human perspective. Unlike human teachers, animals can only impart their wisdom by example, and we learn from them by observation. An animal teacher can be a beloved pet or an animal in the wild. You may even find yourself noticing the animals in your backyard. Even robins and bumblebees have lessons to share with you.

Animals teach us in a variety of ways about behavior, habit, and instinct. House pets embody an unconditional love that remains unchanged in the face of our shape, size, age, race, or gender. They care little for the differences between us and them and simply enjoy loving and being loved. Our pets encourage us to let our guards down, have fun, and take advantage of every opportunity to enjoy life. You can also learn lessons from the animals you encounter in the wild if you take the time to observe their habits. Cold-blooded animals show us adaptability and sensitivity to one's environment. Mammals serve as examples of nurturing and playfulness. Animals that live in oceans, lakes, and rivers demonstrate the value of movement and grace. It is even possible to learn from insects that live in highly structured communities that everyone plays a vital role.

Animals teach us about life, death, survival, sacrifice, and responsibility. If you find yourself drawn to a particular animal, ask yourself which of its traits you find most intriguing and think about how you might mimic those traits. Think of what you might learn from observing the little bird on your windowsill or the mosquito buzzing around a picnic table. Animals express themselves with abandon, freedom, and integrity. It's natural to be drawn to the wisdom offered by our animal teachers, and in doing so, discover what is natural and true within you. ------------------------------------------------------------------
So far there has been only 2 dogs that I have loved, and understanding their dedication and loyalty that sometimes make me wonder why is it so difficult for me and us to be the same with our friends and others. We can learn so any things from them, yet we do not or pretend as if we are always right. I am not gonna list the things that make these two very special to me, but YES they have a very place in me and I will not forget them till the end.

1-Dolly: (we had this dog for a long time) it was only after its death), we really understood its importance and its impact on us, especially my Mom. Dolly's favourite was my Mom and it would eat only if she gives food, otherwise it prefers to starve. It was once during my Mom's trip to kerala that Dolly refused to eat anything and ultimately has to pass out and when we came back, Dolly was no more there to jump on us and welcome us back to the house. We all had out share of fun with her, especially with her sometimes confused reaction to our instructions and yeah, she was a real scared one. All in my family had loved it very much, but yes on certain circumstances we have scolded it and at time also a small whack. I and my family Loved u like we loved each other and Miss u.

2- Jessy (Shanti's pet dog) Presently my favourite and believe me she is great, pretty, loving and affectionate one. She is getting old and there are a lot of incidents that can remember right away that I can get stomach cramps. Love u Jessy

Article from : DailyOm

Wish I could have a dog as pet sometime in the future and get into a relationship like what I shared with these two (not taking their place).

Mechanic sucked into jet engine

Fatal accident occurred as aircraft prepared to fly to Houston

Monday, January 16, 2006; Posted: 5:55 p.m. EST (22:55 GMT)

(CNN) -- A mechanic standing near a Boeing 737 at El Paso International Airport in Texas was sucked into one of the engines and killed Monday, officials said.

Continental Airlines Flight 1515 was preparing to take off for Bush Intercontinental Airport in Houston when "a maintenance-related engine run-up of the right-hand engine" was carried out, said Roland Herwig, a spokesman for the Federal Aviation Administration's southwest region in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.

"Someone on the ground was sucked into the engine," he said.

In a written statement, Continental Chairman and CEO Larry Kellner said the person killed was a mechanic who worked for one of the airline's suppliers.

"My fellow coworkers and I extend our heartfelt sympathies to the family and friends of the mechanic involved in this tragic event," Kellner said.

The 737-500 was carrying 114 passengers and five crew members at the time of the accident, he said.

"Continental is coordinating assistance for passengers who need help dealing with this tragedy," Kellner said. "Continental's Employee Assistance Program team is also flying to El Paso to meet with employees."

He said the incident occurred during a maintenance check in preparation for the plane's departure.

A spokeswoman for Boeing said Monday's incident is not the first such accident. "It doesn't happen very often," spokeswoman Liz Verdier said. "It has happened in the past."

Either way, she said, the responsibility lies with Continental: "The airlines are responsible for their safety procedures."

The National Transportation Safety Board has sent a team of investigators from its office in Denver, Colorado, Herwig said.

News Article : CNN
Discussion: Airliners.net

TRUST CHILDREN needs ur support & help . . .

Mail from my brother Ashok G V, working with GE Infrastructure, based in Saudi Arabia.

The sequel to reading the tale TWO CHOICE below, is the following personal note, that I felt compelled to SHARE with you all, in the hope that some will respond, to this noble venture....bonafides of which I can vouch for.....

Dear All,

Happy New Year !

I had the privilege of witnessing human compassion at work. Our long time neighbour Capt Nandakumar, a DGM with Indian Airlines, embarked on a long journey with the hope that he can contribute to providing education for needy children along the Chennai coastline. He received generous contributions from many kind-hearted souls and today, GURUKULAM is living it's dream. The selfless work by Capt. Nandu and many of the volunteers cannot be captured in a few mortal words.

We are the few fortunate ones that live our lives in comfort. These underprivileged children have amazing capabilities and being born poor is their only fault. We can help correct that situation in our own special way, in our unique capacity. I request each one of you to browse the website www.trustchildren.org and convince yourselves of the intense passion and commitment behind these thoughts, initiatives and actions. If you do visit Chennai, please also pay a visit to the school and be prepared to embrace warmth and gratitude in equal measure.

I am doing my bit for this school within the realm of my capabilities and solicit kind-hearted souls like yourselves to consider making a difference. The satisfaction of having a tiny portion of your disposable income help a child get educated and eat one square meal a day is beyond _expression.

Thank you for taking time off your busy scheduled to learn about Trust Children.

Best regards,

Ashok G.V
District Manager, GE Infrastructure, Water & Process Technologies. www.gewater.com

( note - Capt Nandakumar's email id is cptnand@trustchildren.org, Any responses may be addressed directly to him)

REAL JOY IS INNER BLISS, NOT MINDLESS GIGGLING

Two Choices . . .

Got thru SHARED THOTS from my Uncle Mohandas from Kuwait. (thank you Raghunathan for the contribution) ; ; ;

This story is very touching and I could not just sit and do nothing about it, so I decided to put it up in the blog and then to also forward to my friends and family, who do matter a lot for me.

So here it goes

What would you do? You make the choice! Don't look for a punch line. There isn't one! Read it anyway.

My question to all of you is: Would you have made the same choice?

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning disabled children, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended.

After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question: "When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection.

Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?"

The audience was stilled by the query. The father continued. "I believe that when a child like Shay, physically and mentally handicapped, comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child."

Then he told the following story: Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, "Do you think they'll let me play?"

Shay's father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked if Shay could play, not expecting much. The boy looked around for guidance and a few boys nodded approval, why not? So he took matters into his own hands and said, "We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we can put him in to bat in the ninth inning."

Shay struggled over to the team's bench put on a team shirt with a broad smile and his father had a small tear in his eye and warmth in his heart. The boys saw the father's joy at his son being accepted.

In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands.

In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat. At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?

Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least be able to make contact.

The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The game would now be over, but the pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the head of the first baseman, out of reach of all team mates. Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!" Never in his life had Shay ever run that far but he made it to first base.

He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled. Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second!" Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to second base.

By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball, the smallest guy on their team, who had a chance to be the hero for his team for the first time. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions and he too intentionally threw the ball high and far over the second-baseman's head.

Shay ran toward second base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home. All were screaming, "Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay".

Shay reached second base, the opposing shortstop ran to help him and turned him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third! Shay, run to third". As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams and those watching were on their feet were screaming, "Shay, run home!"

Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the "grand slam" and won the game for his team.

'That day," said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, " the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world." Shay didn't make it to another summer and died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making his
Father so happy and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

AND, NOW A LITTLE FOOTNOTE TO THIS STORY:

We all send thousands of jokes through the e-mail without a second thought, but when it comes to sending messages about life choices, people think twice about sharing the crude, vulgar, and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools and workplaces.

If you're thinking about forwarding this message, chances are that you're probably sorting out the people on your address list that aren't the "appropriate" ones to receive this type of message.

Well, the person who sent you this believes that we all can make a difference. We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to help realize the "natural order of things."

So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice: Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up that opportunity to brighten the day of those with us the least able, and leave the world a little bit colder in the process? A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats its least fortunate amongst them.

You now have two choices:

1. Delete
2. Forward

Pride of India - E. Sreedharan

How many people in Delhi know a man called E. Sreedharan?

He is 70. Should have retired a long time ago with enough achievements to boast about to his grandchildren. Most of his working life he was yet another unknown engineer with the railways, until he took up the challenge of building the Konkan Railway that reduced the Mumbai-Kochi distance by one-third. Everybody said it wasn’t possible. Also, that it would cost too much money, will be a white elephant, will be technologically impossible, will ravage the environment. The usual reasons why no new infrastructure can be built in India.

There were PILs filed, processions taken out. He defied them all and built India’s first, genuine railway project of any notable size after the British.

When the government was short of money, he raised public bonds and that was a decade ago when such things were unprecedented. The Konkan Railway is to Indian infrastructure what the Mohali stadium is to Indian cricket.

Sreedharan did not stop there. Everybody laughed when plans to build a metro rail in Delhi were announced. All of us knew the chaos even a small, one-line metro in Kolkata had caused for a decade and a half. But Sreedharan took up the project.

It is now being built, ahead of schedule, in spite of the setback of the Japanese sanctions after Pokharan and without making a tenth of the mess the construction of an ordinary flyover creates in Delhi. You can drive around Parliament Street without noticing the mass of workmen and machines working underneath and, within a year, unless another PIL or an ‘anonymous’ complaint to the CBI or the CVC stops the work, Delhi will see its first metro line.

Yet, how much credit has Sreedharan got? How often do you see him on television, on the front pages of our newspapers? Or maybe you will, when someone envious of what he has achieved, and the fact that he will leave behind a monument to his own achievement this city should be proud of, files a complaint with the CBI, CVC, a PIL, and so on.

He is a modest man. It is not the self-effacing version of modesty which politicians wear, but the genuine kind. E. Sreedharan, architect of the Konkan Railway and the Delhi Metro Rail, believes that all his achievements were the result of team efforts.

The 71-year-old civil engineer ("still looking forward to retirement") has been selected as one of the most outstanding Asians by Time magazine. But he takes it in his stride. "Why do you want to write about me?" he asks this correspondent. "Write about the project." The project is mapping Delhi with a world class metro rail network. That is his focus and passion now.

Focus and passion. Probably these are the keywords. But when he is asked about the mantra of success, Sreedharan again downplays his role. "I have been lucky enough to pick up the right people for the right job," he says, sitting in his sparsely furnished office.

So why should one write about Sreedharan? Because he is an extraordinary man, an extraordinary bureaucrat, who believes in certain values and has sustained them throughout his life against umpteen odds.

This was the case from the start. In 1963, disaster struck the Rameshwaram island when tidal waves washed away the Pamban bridge connecting it with mainland Tamil Nadu. A passenger train was swept away, killing hundreds of persons.

The Southern Railway decided to restore the bridge and set a target of six months. General Manager B.C. Ganguly advanced the deadline by three months and the Railway Board assigned the task to a 31-year-old executive engineer, Sreedharan. It was a tough task as it was an old bridge, built by the British in late-nineteenth century, with 146 spans and a scherzer-a steel girder which opens up for large vessels to pass under the bridge.

Sreedharan took up the challenge and advanced the deadline by a month, making the task tougher. He made the bridge functional in 46 days. He achieved this by the application of some 'commonplace values'-discipline, punctuality and honesty-and the introduction of a new work culture. These traits continue. After the Delhi Metro Rail Corporation (DMRC) was set up, one of the first things Sreedharan did as managing director was to instil a "sense of corporate culture".

"In private organisations run by the Tatas, Birlas and Ambanis, it is not difficult to stick to deadlines," says Sreedharan. "The word of the boss is final." In a government set-up, where there are too many bosses and too few juniors, it is next to impossible. But not totally impossible, as Sreedharan has proved. He believes in working with slim organisations. (He also believes in being slim.) While it took more than two decades to build the Kolkata metro ("The result of bad planning," says Sreedharan), Delhi stuck to its deadline of December 2002.

In Delhi, he did not have to face many hurdles. There were no stay orders, no dharnas. People in the Old Delhi area (Chandni Chowk) did object to their houses being demolished . But the DMRC used the tunnel boring machine technology to solve this problem. It has ensured that there were no major traffic bottlenecks, no demolition.

He is focused and passionate about his work. His insistence on deadlines had earned him 20 transfers in the early years of his career.

Sreedharan, who has been in the Indian Railways for 50 years, had successfully completed one mega-project earlier-the Konkan railway between Maharashtra and Mangalore. The rail-line was mooted in 1990 by then railway minister George Fernandes, while talking to Railway Board members. After stating it, Fernandes himself dismissed it as impossible.

A month later, Sreedharan went to Fernandes with a well-charted out plan. "I told him that we will have to work in a different fashion," he recalls. Probably his enthusiasm infected Fernandes, who got cabinet approval for the project within three days. Maharashtra and Kerala immediately agreed to the project, but Karnataka chief minister Virendra Patil objected.

Sreedharan, then a member of the Railway Board, went to Maharashtra, Karnataka, Goa and Kerala and got all the necessary approvals before his 'retirement'. But retirement was not to be as Fernandes wanted him to head the West Coast Railway. Thus the Konkan Rail Corporation was born. It created an engineering marvel by laying a rail network across the mountainous Western Ghats.

Sreedharan insists he does not have any special skills to get the best out of people. "I always found that people cooperate if you work for a good cause," he says.

Is he a workaholic? "No," says he. "I am committed to my work but not a workaholic." His colleagues agree that he does not believe in making people stay on in the office if they have finished their given task. "He even takes a nap in the afternoons," says a colleague.

Sreedharan, who was born in Chattanur, a small village near Palakkad in Kerala, does not have much of a social life. "Once in a while I go to classical music concerts," he says. He also makes it a point to visit Kerala at regular intervals to meet relatives. "Very often, he travels by lower class," says a colleague. A favourite journey is, of course, through the Konkan rail stretch, which he can watch with proprietary pride.

" I have four children," says he. "We were not really well-off. But my wife, Radha, took care of all those problems." One son is an engineer but he did not join the Railways despite his father encouraging him.

"I believe that when an officer is given a particular task, he should be made responsible to finish it," says Sreedharan. He almost has an obsession with deadlines. (In the early years of his career, it earned him 20 transfers.) Every officer in DMRC keeps a digital board which shows the number of days left for the completion of the next target. On April 23, it was 160 days left for the Tis Hazari-Tri Nagar section of the Delhi Metro to be complete.

So, where he does go from there? "Retirement," he says with a twinkle in the eyes. He thanks God for giving him success. "I am a religious person but religion does not mean going to temples. To me it means leading a virtuous life," he says.

Success and virtue. A rare combination in today's world. But they run side by side in Sreedharan's life. Like rail tracks

How to Sound Politically Correct :

Thanks Mr. Anuj for forwarding me these. Pls continue to do so...
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HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT

1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" -
She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."

2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" -
She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."

3. She is not "EASY" -
She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."

4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" -
She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."

5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" -
She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."

6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" -
She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."

7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" -
She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED."

8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" -
She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."

9. She does not "NAG" you -
She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE"

10. She is not a "TRAMP" -
She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."

11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" -
She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."

12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" -
She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" -
He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."

2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" -
He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" -
He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."

4. He is not "BALDING" -
He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."

5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" -
He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."

6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" -
He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."

7. He does not have his "head up his ass" -
He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."

8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" -
He has "SWINE EMPATHY."

9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" -
He has "MARRIAGE DEFICIT DISORDER."

10. He is not "HORNY" -
He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."

11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants -
It's "REAR CLEAVAGE"

humor (xx)

This man gets home late one night and his wife says,

"Where the hell have you been?"

He replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."

"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"

"I got a hundred dollar bill on my penis," he said proudly.

"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. "Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill on his penis?"

"Well, for one, I like to watch my money grow," he began. "Second, once in a while, I like to play with my money..." "Third..... I like how money feels in my hand..." "And lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a
hundred bucks anytime you want."

=======================================================

Mom & Dad decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8 year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighbour hood activities.

He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:

"There's a car being towed from the parking lot" he shouted.
A few moments passed.
"An ambulance just drove by" A few moments later,
"Looks like the Anderson's have company" he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike....."
"The Coopers are having sex!!"

Startled, Mother and Dad shot up in bed!!!

Dad cautiously asked, "How do you know they are having sex??"
"Jimmy Cooper is standing out on his balcony with a Popsicle too."
=============================================================

What is the difference between girls aged:

8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68?

At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!!!

===========================================================

Farmer John was taking his cow and its new born calf to sell in the auction. On the way farmer John got robbed by thieves, who beat him up, stripped him of his clothes and tied him to a tree. Then taking the mother cow and John's clothes, the thieves escaped. They, however left the new born calf behind.

Poor farmer John suffered as for two days, he stood tied to a tree, stark naked and hungry. Fortunately, on the third day, some neighbours happened to pass by.

They recognized John and untied him. When they did, farmer John picked up a huge stick and started bashing the calf with it.

"Why are you thrashing the poor calf? His neighbours asked? To which farmer John replied, "I had to tell this beast for the past two days repeatedly that I am not your mother!, I am not your mother ........

===============================================================

One morning a husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, his wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, drops anchor and begins to read her book. Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says,

"Good morning, ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies.

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry, Officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,” says the woman.

"But I have not even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day, ma'am," he said, and left.

Moral of this story: Never argue with a woman who reads. It is likely she can also think.

== ========= =======================================

There was a loser who couldn't get a date. He went to a bar and asked this one guy how to get a date.

The guy said, "It's simple. I just say I'm a lawyer."

So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she said "No," he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had a case early in the morning.

She said, "Oh, you're a lawyer?" He said, "Why yes I am!"

So they went to his place and when they were in bed screwing, he started to laugh to himself. When she asked what was so funny he answered, "Well, I've only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I'm already screwing someone!"

======== =============== =======================

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spend $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk,

"I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 32," is the reply.

"Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, "I'd guess about 29". The woman replies with a big smile,

"Nope, I'm 50."

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk
this burning question. The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."

Again she proudly responds, "I'm 50, but thank you!"

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question He replies,

"Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires
you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are."

They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead."

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other. After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay...

How old am I?"

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands and says, "Madam, you are 50."

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you tell?" The old man says, "Promise you won't get mad?" "I promise I won't." she says.

"I was behind you in line at McDonald's."
=============== ================= ===============

Power of love & Friendship (GOD) - SHARED THOTS. 11.01.06

Judge Me By The Footprints I Leave Behind.....good tobe reminded...even if read before...
Thank you shirley.

A story is told about a soldier who was finally coming home after having fought in Vietnam. He called his parents from San Francisco.

"Mom and Dad, I'm coming home, but I've got a favor to ask. I have afriend I'd like to bring with me." "Sure," they replied, "we'd love to meet him." "There's something you should know," the son continued. "He was hurt pretty badly in the fighting. He stepped on a land mine and lost an arm and a leg. He has nowhere else to go, and I want him to come live with us." "I'm sorry to hear that, son.

Maybe we can help him find some where to live." "No, Mom and Dad, I want him to live with us." "Son," said the father, "you don't know what you're asking. Someone with such a handicap would be a terrible burden on us.

We have our own lives to live, and we can't let something like this interfere withour lives. I think you should just come home and forget about this guy. He'll find a way to live on his own."

At that point, the son hung up the phone. The parents heard nothing more from him.

A fewdays later, however, they received a call from the SanFrancisco police. Their son had died after falling from a building, they were told. The police believed it was suicide.

The grief-stricken parents flew to SanFrancisco and were taken to the city morgue to identify the body of their son. They recognized him, but to their horror they also discovered something they didn't know, their son had only one arm and oneleg.

The parents in this story are like many of us. We find it easy to love those who are good-looking or fun to have around, but we don't like people who inconvenience us or make us feel uncomfortable. We would rather stay away from people who aren't as healthy, beautiful, or smart as we are.

Thankfully, there's someone who won't treat us that way. Someone who loves us with an unconditional love that welcomes us into the forever family, regardless of how messed up we are. Tonight, before you tuck yourself in for the night, say a little prayer that God will give you the strength you need to accept people as they are, and to help us all be more understanding of those who are different from us!!!

There's a miracle called Friendship that dwells in the heart. You don't know how it happens or when it gets started. But you know the special lift. It always brings and you realize that Friendship Is God's most precious gift!

Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share a word of praise, and they always want to open their hearts to us. Show your friends today how much you care.

THE STENCH OF HATRED - SHARED THOTS. 11.01.06

Such a simple, yet deep truth and so beautifully conveyed. Thank you Joe, _________________________________________

A kindergarten teacher decided to let her class play agame. The Teacher told each child in the class to bring along a plastic bag containing a few potatoes. Each potato was to be given a name of a person thatthe child hated, so the number of potatoes that achild putin his/her plastic bag would depend on the number ofpeople he/she hated.

So when the day came, every child brought somepotatoes with the name of the people he/she hated. Some had 2 potatoes; some 3, while some up to 5potatoes. The teacher then told the children to carry with themthe potatoes in the plastic bag wherever they went (even to the toilet) for 1 week.

Days after days passed by, and the children started to complain due to the unpleasant smell let out by therotten potatoes. Besides, those having 5 potatoes also had to carry heavier bags.

After 1 week, the children were relieved because the game had finally ended.

The teacher asked: "How did you feel while carryingthe potatoes with you for 1 week?" The children let (image placeholder) out their frustrations and started complaining of the trouble that they had to go through having to carry the heavy and smelly potatoes wherever they went.

Then the teacher told them the hidden meaning behind the game. The teacher said: "This is exactly thesituation when you carry your hatred for somebodyinside your heart. The stench of hatred will contaminate your heart and you will carry it with youwherever you go. If you cannot tolerate the smell of rotten potatoesfor just 1 week, can you imagine what it is like to have the stench of hatred in your heart for yourlifetime???"

"Forgiveness is not something you do for someone else;it is something you do for yourself. Give yourself thegift of forgiveness"

SHARED THOTS. 11.01.06

Simple Thots.

- If you can buy a person's friendship, it is not worth it.

- Humility is such an elusive thing. Just when you think you've got it, you've lost it.

- People who are wrapped up in themselves are overdressed.

- It's neither conservative nor liberal to be anti-war. It's humanitarian.

- Life is like a doughnut. You're either in the dough or in the hole.

- There is nothing more prideful than the humility of a proud person.

- It's what you learn, after you know it all, that counts

Do u have the prescription....

A lady walked into a drug store and told the pharmacist she needed some Cyanide.

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband.

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband!

That's against the law! I'll lose my license... They'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not! You can NOT have any cyanide!"

Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband having dinner in a restaurant with pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well, now... You didn't tell me you had a prescription".
_______________________________________________
For more, click on the link http://www.nidokidos.net

Man and his Ostrich. .

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad," says the man. "Same," says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62." Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer.

"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

“Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.
My second wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be here."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

“That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "But, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My first wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say.

Good Cartoons. . .

9 Things to Hate most . . .

No offence with the language, got these forwarded from a friend of mine and I quite liked it and definetly do agree with most of these mentioned here. . .

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time...
I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours?
Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".
Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look".
Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it?

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?”
No Loser, I paid R12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"....
Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it?
If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell??
Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When yo u are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?".
If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

African roulette . . .

The Ambassador of a small African nation chanced to visit Russia, and was entertained by his opposite number, the Russian Ambassador.

For three days, the African Ambassador was wined, dined, and generally treated to the best hospitality that Russia had to offer.

On the final day of his visit, the Russian ambassador said, "As your stay is coming to an end, it is time for you to play our traditional game, Russian roulette. One of the six chambers of this gun is loaded - you spin the cylinder, point the gun at your head, and pull the trigger."

This fazed the African slightly, but he was a proud man of a warrior people, and to show fear would be unthinkable. Both men took their guns, spun, and pulled the triggers.

-click- -click-

Both chambers were empty, and both ambassadors breathed a sigh of relief.

The African ambassador was much impressed with the courageous game, and thought hard about the subject before the Russian Ambassador was due to visit his country the next year. When the visit came, the African ambassador treated the Russian with all hospitality, until the final day of his stay.

Leading him to a private room in the palace, the African ambassador spoke, "Now it is time for you to sample our game, African roulette." So saying, he led the Russian into the room, the only occupants of which were six beautiful, naked women.

The African ambassador said, "These women are the most beautiful members of one of our tribes. Any one of them will give you oral sex - take your pick".

The Russian was not entirely adverse to this idea, but he couldn't see the connection with Russian roulette. He said "Well, ok, great, but where's the roulette part? Where's the danger?"

With a big grin on his face, the African ambassador answered, "One of them is a cannibal"

What is Beauty ? ? ?

Kannumama, thank you again for this lovely stuff..

I feel that the Beauty is not in the Physical appearance, but at heart. Its very difficult for people to appreciate the person from the innerside as physical beauty takes over. Like the chef's say "People eat and appreciate food more with their eyes....

Thank you Christine……for this dispatch......
--------------------------------------------
After reading the lovely first person account of the tailor bird (next section below), your dispatch about the sacrifice of a mother is just beautiful …… a sacrifice that comes so naturally, only to a mother… this is the beauty.. of it all, in all forms of life.

Can I see my baby?" the happy new mother asked. When the bundle was nestledin her arms and she moved the fold of cloth to look upon his tiny face, she gasped. The doctor turned quickly and looked out the tall hospital window.

The baby had been born without ears. Time proved that the baby's hearing was perfect. It was only his appearance that was marred. When he rushed home from school one day and flung himself into his mother's arms, she sighed, knowing that his life was to be a succession of heartbreaks. He blurted out the tragedy. "A boy, a big boy ... called me a freak."

He grew up, handsome for his misfortune. A favourite with his fellow students, he might have been class president, but for that. He developed a gift, a talent for literature and music. "But you might mingle with other young people," his mother reproved him, but felt a kindness in her heart.

The boy's father had a session with the family physician. Could nothing be done? "I believe I could graft on a pair of outer ears, if they could be procured," the doctor decided.

Then the search began for a person who would make such a sacrifice for a young man. Two years went by. Then, "You are going to the hospital, Son. Mother and I have someone who will donate the ears you need. But it's a secret," said the father.

The operation was a brilliant success, and a new person emerged. His talents blossomed into genius, and school and college became a series of triumphs. Later he married and entered the diplomatic service. "But I must know!" He urged his father, "Who gave so much for me? I could never do enough for him." "I do not believe you could," said the father, "but the agreement was that you are not to know, not yet."

The years kept their profound secret, but the day did come ... one of the darkest days that a son must endure. He stood with his father over his mother's casket. Slowly, tenderly, the father stretched forth a hand and raised the thick, reddish-brown hair to reveal that the mother -- had no outer ears."

Mother said she was glad she never let her hair be cut," he whispered gently, "and nobody ever thought Mother less beautiful, did they?" Real beauty lies not in the physical appearance, but in the heart. Real treasure lies not in what that can be seen; but what, thatcannot be seen.

Real love lies not in what is done and known, but in what that is done but not known.

A tale of a tailor bird. . .

Thank u, Kannumama for this Shared Thot's

Here’s a first person account of a nature’s marvel observed from close quarters..... Very well expressed and the lessons are good for all times.... Thank you, Thangu....

A tale of a tailor bird

A li'l Tailor bird had made it’s nest in one of the plants in our balcony--she had woven the whole nest with so much foresight and love. There were 4 eggs nestled inside & she constantly kept tabs on them- she was so tiny & helpless herself but when it came to her babies --she was so cautious & aggressive--always hovering close by or sitting inside the nest with her beak threateningly poking out of it--could sit & watch the goings on & marvel at the wonder of this li'l mother's instinct.

Her workmanship was amazing [not in terms of technique and architecture but in terms of maternal instinct]--she had stitched the nest securely to the leaf using her beak as the needle & some coir, padded it with cotton –reinforced it with some twigs & coir fibres again--& if it rained heavily she would bend another leaf in order to serve as an umbrella over her nest & she is but smaller than a sparrow--there is indeed some Guy up there who never ceases to fill us with wonder. Her one aim was to provide the ultimate ‘safe nest’ for her nestlings.

Once the eggs hatched she had to provide them with food. One of the four nestlings was not too strong. The Mother tried her level best to make it learn to fly but somehow the little one failed to learn a skill so necessary for it’s survival. One fine day the Mother stopped visiting the nest & the Weak One somehow slipped out of the nest & after a few futile attempts at surviving this holocaust it was helped back into the nest with a spatula - back into the only world it knew. Maybe the shock of the fall was too much for it’s teeny weeny heart or maybe it’s mission was only to convey some message to us—-it died that night. Observing the entire ‘drama of life and death’ from the corner sofa in our living room I learnt some valuable lessons.

a.. One is never too small or too frail to be a good mother—-it is a natural instinct.

b.. A parent’s heart is truly a large one—she/he gives unconditionally of her/his love & support—so cherish that always.

c.. Nothing is too good for one’s children—-there is always something more one can do or something better one can offer them.

d.. A parent can help a child only that much—--after that it is up to the child to learn the life skills spread his/her wings and reach for the skies.

e.. Some of us may fail in many things we do—may be we are here to pass on a message to others---help them to learn from our mistakes.

f.. Even nature has no patience with the weaker ones. The stronger ones physically, mentally, emotionally & morally] are better survivors.

g.. For, bringing a child into this world, nurturing it and helping it to grow to be agood human being is the most amazing blessing from above.

Men Strikes Back. . .

Got this a forward mail from my sis, and I found this quite interesting. So…

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
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I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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In the beginning,

God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
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I am sending this to a few good men who need a laugh and to the select few women who can handle the truth!

The big 'IF'

How Arabs are dealing with Cows. . .

Got this a friend thru mail; I found it quite interesting and hence the post...
_______________________________________
EGYPTIAN SYSTEM:
You have two cows. Both are voting for Mobarak!


DUBAIAN SYSTEM:
You have two cows. You create a website for them and advertise them in all magazines. You create a Cow City or Milk Town for them. You sell off their milk before the cows have even been milked to both legit and shady investors who hope to resell the non-existent milk for a 100% profit in two years' time. You bring Tiger Woods to milk the cows first to attract attention.

QATARI SYSTEM:

You have two cows. They've been sitting there for decades and no one realizes that cows can produce milk. You see what Dubai is doing, you go crazy and start milking the heck out of the cows boobs in the shortest time possible. Then you realize no one wanted the milk in the first place.

SAUDI SYSTEM:
Since milking the cow involves nipples, the gov't decides to ban all cows in public. The only method to milk a cow is to have a cow in on one side of the curtain and the guy milking the cow on the other.

BAHRAINI SYSTEM:
You have two cows. Some high government official steals one, milks it, sells the milk and pockets the profit. The gov't tells you there is just one cow and not enough milk for the people. The people riot and scream death to the government and carry Iranian flags. The Parliament, after thinking for 11 months, decide to employ ten Bahrainis to milk all the cows at the same time so cut back on unemployment.

LEBANESE SYSTEM:
You have two cows. One is owned by Syria and the other is controlled by the government.

YEMENI SYSTEM:
You once had a cow.
But then it got kidnapped.

051229L2132: guys, thanks for your contributions, we can make an encyclopedia of the Arab version of "two cows" here!, thanks to the Religious Policeman for the Yemeni cows, and anons for the ones below (if you want to be credited, declare your names or register!!

KUWAITI SYSTEM:
Upon hearing how popular cows are in the Gulf region, a group of young male Kuwaitis buy a herd. Unfortunately, they attach so many accessories (ski-racks, 3500 watt sub-woofers, nipple lights, etc) that the cows almost collapse under the weight and/or embarrassment. The herds are all tragically killed in a massive pile-up whilst their owners are attempting to perform donuts by the Towers.

IRAQI SYSTEM:
The British Government sends in a herd of 20 cows in a trial run to help a village outside Basra. The villagers are extremely grateful for the extra milk and the health of the children improves daily. A terrorist group then kidnaps the cows and accuses them of being traitors to “the cause” (whatever that is). The terrorist then produce signed confessions from the cows and systematically assassinates each one of them in front of Al Jazeera television cameras.

OMANI SYSTEM:
You have three cows; they are all healthy and produce good quality milk for sale at the market. Unfortunately, your son discovers that the money he received at the market can be used to buy beer. Your grand expansion plans for a new high-tech farm are put on hold indefinitely.

World's Shortest Love Story ever. . .